Sasori
by Darkpetal16
Summary: It's not all that likely to be reborn in the Narutoverse. And it's definitely not likely to go back time in the Narutoverse after being reborn there. So then why, pray tell, does it still happen? AU / Sequel of Sakura.
1. Introducing Sasori

_"**SCHOOL: **2 + 2 = 4_

_**HOMEWORK: **2 + 4 + 2 = 8_

_**EXAM: **Omar has 4apples, his train is 7 minutes early. Calculate the mass of the sun."_

_-Anonymous_

_**Disclaimer: **THIS version of Sakura is about the only thing I own. _

_**Warning: **Crack. Sakura. Madara. Hashirama. **AU-ish.**_

_**Beta: **Haha. Nope._

**_For those of you new... _**_granted, you don't NEED to read the first story to understand all of this. But you'll miss out on quite a few inside jokes. This is your only warning. _

* * *

I was not a happy camper.

Nope. Not happy _at all_.

Why?

Because right when I had _fucking finally_ finished my lifelong goal of protecting my precious people so they survived the Fourth Shinobi War… weird shit went down.

I mean _seriously strange_ _like what-the-hell-did-Sasori-put-in-my-drink _shit. Unbelievable. Unimaginable. Uncool.

So, very, very uncool.

When I had died for the first time, my spirit or soul or consciousness or whatever had detached itself from my physical body. I had hung out for a few seconds before the strangest sensation came over me and when it passed I was in Haruno Sakura's body. That was the start of what I hoped to be my _only_ story.

The moment the war was over and I had finally been reunited with my team and so-definitely-harem-even-if-they-would-never-admit -to-it, the same sensation came over me. At first I dismissed it for fatigue, but when it stayed and worse, grew _stronger_, I was a little panicked and visibly showed it and started blabbering about _oh shit it's happening again!_

Itachi had picked up on what I was saying and panicked alongside me. Which caused Sasuke to panic (because of course if _Itachi_ was worried about something then it was definitely something to be worried about) which caused Naruto to panic then Nagato and… pretty much everyone was panicking.

Then, just like before, a white light enveloped me… and I was left standing above everyone. My physical body nowhere to be found while everyone seemed to be having mini heart-attacks about my absence.

But, once again, just like before, I didn't stay that long - gaping at the scene below - before I was whooshed away.

And that was how my second (and _please_ let it be final) story began.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

When I awoke, the first thing to check was my body.

It was smaller. It was more delicate. It was pale. It was still Sakura's, albeit at a younger age.

It was also stark naked.

My nose crinkled in utter disdain at that before I started to exam my surroundings. I was in a rather large forest that didn't appear to be inhabited by anyone. It was… strangely familiar. I knew I had been here but I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

I lifted up my small little hand, examining it.

_Well_, I reasoned. _It's not _so _bad. I mean sure, you can't really have your harem anymore, but at least you aren't totally unrecognizable. Soon as you find some clothes you can head back to Konoha and get Tsunade or Jiraiya to take a look at you. Or not find some clothes. Doesn't make that much of a difference for the moment as there isn't any civilization in sight yet…_

Nodding firmly at this, I then gathered chakra at the bottom of my feet and winced.

_Aw damn it, my chakra reserves are back at the same level as they were in my Genin / Chūnin days. Well, technically I was never _above _Chūnin, but I mean… freshly Chūnin. Oh whatever…_

Then I felt a small set of panic wash over me. _Oh fuck! I can't summon Ibuse like this! Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh _fuck!

Then I groaned. _Aww… I don't want to work my ass off to get my reserves back. At least I have superb control so I don't need to waste so much chakra on jutsu but… awww man…_

I wallowed in self-pity for a bit longer before shaking myself off, choosing a random direction and heading in it. After a few steps, I winced at the sharp pain that was racing up and down my feet before gathering chakra into them once again and kicking off into the trees. I steadily tested my feet on the bark before nodding in reluctant satisfaction.

Shoes became a priority. Ergo, no random direction because civilization just became a _must_.

I climbed to the top of the tree, taking in the wide forest view with a frown. A little ways from me I could see a main road, and currently heading down that road was a caravan of sorts. I eyed the seemingly wealthy caravan before shrugging.

_Kunoichi first. Morals later,_ I decided.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

With a new set of clothes courtesy of one of the caravan girls - not that she would know they were missing - a bag of items I deemed necessary for survival (a few medical herbs, first aid kit, water skin pouch, kunai - love those - and a slice of bread), I headed off on my merry way. I traveled parallel to the road, but stayed up in the trees.

After a few hours of running, my little body had finally put its foot down and I decided to break.

Finding a fairly big stream, I sat down on a rock beside it. I gave a large yawn before closing my eyes and drifting off into a blissful sleep.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The sun was still up when I awoke.

How did I wake up?

Someone prodding me in the side.

I opened my eyes, staring and glaring at the astonishingly familiar face before sitting up slowly. The person - boy about six or seven - gave me an incredulous look.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"… I _was_ sleeping," I muttered. "Who are you?"

"I'm - I'm… No one," he finally said. "Look, it doesn't matter. You shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" I asked dubiously. "Does someone live here?"

"No."

"Is it _owned_ by someone?"

"… No."

"Is it covered in poison and lethal?"

"… No?"

"Then I don't see why I shouldn't be here," I pointed out, perfectly reasonably. "I'm just sleeping, after all."

"Well I don't _want_ you here," he said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I don't want _girls_ here."

"What makes you think I'm a girl?"

He frowned. "… Aren't you?"

"Just because I have pink hair, you automatically assume I'm a girl?" I asked, feeling mildly offended.

_… It's been a while since I mind-fucked with someone. And a while since I was able to gender-bend without my chest hurting like crazy… should I…?_

"Aren't you?" he repeated.

"As far as _you're_ concerned, no," I said pointedly.

"Oh," was all he said, looking mildly confused and sheepish.

"Madara? What are you - who are you?"

I turned my head, my brow furrowing at the name Madara as I turned around and saw -

Oh. My. God.

No.

_No_.

I had already had my stupid adventure, already worked my ass off, cried my heart out and had enough emotional break downs in the previous life. _No_. I was _not_ doing it _all over again_ for… _No_. Damn it. No, no, _no_.

_But look at them… so young an innocent… besides… if you could stop them… stop _him… _all those people you killed… none of them would have had to die. All those people from the invasion, the Hokage, Haku and Zabuza… Naruto could have a happy life with his _parents_, and maybe even Sasuke and Itachi, too. Could you really deny them that?_

I was apprehensive and torn. I didn't want to go through all of that again, but I just couldn't… if I could keep my precious people happy, and if I could save even more people… What right did I have to deny Minato and Kushina a chance at a happy family? To deny Naruto that? Sasuke? Itachi? Kakashi? Jiraiya…?

All of this took place in my head for roughly a second before I made a tentative decision. "'Sup? I'm… Sasori. Saigo Sasori."

"… I've never heard of that clan," Madara said slowly.

"It's not. It's a name I gave myself," I answered, standing up from the rock and hopping down to the water, water-walking across it to peer at Hashirama - who was staring at me with _wide_ eyes.

"What are you doing?" Hashirama gaped. "I've only seen the upper - I mean, I've only seen really strong shinobi do that."

"… It's water-walking," I said slowly. "… Do you two know how to tree-walk?"

Madara hesitated. "… No."

_… How early am I in this…?_

"Well, if you want, I can teach the both of you," I offered.

"Really?" Hashirama asked excitedly. "That's awfully nice of you."

I gave him a confused look. "… No. No it isn't. If you want to learn to water-walk, first you gotta learn to tree-walk. Come on, I'll show you. You two can practice this _anywhere_ once you get the hang of it. Not only does it increase your chakra reserves through repetitive use, it's damn useful in battle."

"Battle?" Madara echoed, eying me. "Have you been in a battle?"

"You mean you can't tell?" I blinked. "… Sure. Let's say I have. Doesn't really matter now as I don't have the intentions of getting in another one any time soon, though."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Every day for exactly three hours, Hashirama and Madara would meet me at the exact same spot Madara had found me. It hadn't taken them too much time to learn the tree-walking (two days or so) and water-walking afterwards (another two days). I wasn't really quite sure what the two of them did originally together, but it didn't take long before I found out. Training and games. Literally. But the games usually were just a variation of training, so I didn't really count them. From taijutsu stances, to building chakra-reserves, and all the while the two would chatter on about their dreams for what I knew to be Konoha, and their love of their little brothers.

Well, not so plainly, but I could read between the lines.

That went on for about three months.

I had been used to roughing it out. Traveling around with Jiraiya had forced all of us to really live in uncomfortable positions for long periods of time, not to mention I've had plenty of time to gather survival experience from my second life. That didn't mean to say I enjoyed it. Oh, no.

All those D-Ranks? You know the ones where we had to rebuild houses, act as carpenters, mechanics, plumbers, all that jazz… those paid off. Seriously.

_Seriously._

A tree house. I had a little (not really _little_) tree house up the stream. There was a busy crossroad - the same road I had previously taken my clothes - that I had continually used as a thieving point. I stole small, never anything of real value, but over time, I managed to scrounge up enough cloth and supplies to build a comfortable home.

A once, huge oak tree, that had a small hole in it, I had dug into that hole, hollowing it out and building upwards from it. It was large enough that I could hollow out a room – 25 feet, by 16 feet (or roughly 8 meters by 5) – and it would still be thick enough outside that it would stay alive and _healthy_. Carving out the room was fairly easy, and then just carving a room above that one, was easier, too. I only went five rooms up (this world's trees' sizes just… mind boggled me. I mean, we had bigger trees back in my second life, true, but when you stopped to think about it… Comparing my first life to my second and third life… just damn). I carved out little stumps that could double as half-ass stairs (not that I would be using them anyway, seeing how I was a kunoichi… Doors and stairs were for people with no imagination), and it took me a _long _time to sand down everything enough that it was livable.

Next came the plumbing, which I wasn't all that great with. Mostly because the supplies needed for it didn't exist yet, so I had to improvise.

By improvise I meant that I hadn't figured out what the hell to do.

Well, I had a general _idea_, and currently I just dug out a giant hole out back, filled it with chakra rocks (think chakra paper… only with rocks. They were malleable when drenched with enough chakra), and slowly, I molded a giant bowl. I then filled it up with water from the stream.

I had a small garden going on, too. Not for fun, though. I had to track down all sorts of medicinal herbs, and poisonous ones, too. I didn't have my favorite salamander duo to call on, so I knew I had to make my own poisons and antidotes, so I started my own garden.

It was pathetic.

Sadly.

In time it would grow up to me amazing, I was sure, but for the moment it was a sad, sad thing.

Anyway, so I also carved out furniture from other trees I had found (and murdered). Mostly desks, chairs, bookcases (that were practically empty… how sad…), tables, etc, etc. I didn't make a bed, though. I chose to make a hammock for my bed, because I always wanted one, but I couldn't put one in my old room because it just didn't fit, and Jiraiya never let me sleep in one. The meanie.

The bottom room was more-or-less a meet and greet room. It had a table and chairs, empty bookshelves, and cabinets. The second room was empty, the third room was empty, the fourth room was my study, and the top room was my actual room.

For someone who owned absolutely no money, had no family or clan, and was tiny with pink hair, I thought I was doing pretty damn good.

When my new home was all set and ready to go, I brought Madara and Hashirama to it.

"And this is my home," I told them, gesturing to it in a dramatic manner.

Hashirama and Madara stared at it.

"… You live here?" Madara asked incredulously.

I huffed at his tone. "So I'm not a damn prodigy when it comes to making homes. I'd like to see _you_ try it."

Madara snorted, while Hashirama frowned, a somber look in his eyes. "… No. Sasori-kun, I think he means… Don't you have a family? A… a _real _home?"

I blinked rapidly. "… Not anymore."

Both boys glanced away, and I cleared my throat, disliking the reminder of my position, and the less-than-stellar atmosphere. "What's done is done, okay? Now come on, I want to show off my epic carpentering skills."

"Aren't you lonely?"

I glared at him, getting annoyed that they wouldn't drop the subject. "… Sometimes, yeah, but I mean, I've got you guys, right?"

Hashirama gave a small smile. "… Right. You do."

I nodded. "So there. Now let's go! Then I have to show you my pathetic garden."

"Why is it pathetic?" Madara asked.

"Because I have exactly five different types of plants growing out there. And you can't even see them, yet. Which reminds me, if you guys see _any _poisonous plant, or medicinal herbs, or hell, just some pretty flowers… mind getting the seeds for me? That would be _awesome_."

"You actually like gardening? That's so..." Madara crinkled his nose.

"Don't make me kick your ass," I threatened.

Madara smirked. "I'd like to see you try."

I tackled him to the ground.

Hashirama gave a pained sigh. "Sasori…"

Madara and I both pulled him into the fray, as well.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I tapped my chin, staring at the two boys who sat in front of me on the warm grass. It was one of those sweaty hot days, and both boys had decided to just forgo a shirt entirely. I, on the other hand, did not. For my own reasons that you could probably guess accurately. The two of them had seen me use a ninjutsu technique (a small one – actually, it was the very first ninjutsu I learned from Jiraiya), to move some dirt around to plant seeds (I was lazy and wanted to raise my chakra reserves, okay?), and then proceeded to ask me if I could teach them any.

"Well," I hummed, "I guess I can each teach you _something_. My specialties involve earth and water, but I know a fair few fire, and I know _of _wind. I don't know shit about lightning, sorry."

"I… I think I'm a wind and fire type," Madara said hesitantly, as if he had told some huge, risky secret. Actually, considering how all the clans were at war and nearly any little bit of information regarding enemies would prove invaluable… he kind of was.

That was… depressing.

"Water and earth," Hashirama said quietly.

"Okay, Hashi, I'll teach you the first earth move _I_ learned, and Madara, the first fire. How does that sound?"

"Good!" both boys exclaimed.

"Come, Hashi, come, Chubby."

Madara's eyes widened. "… What?"

I grinned wickedly, leaning over and squeezing his cheeks. "You're getting chubby. See? You're cheeks are all flabby now."

Madara tackled me into the ground, and I laughed. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Why so defensive?" I snickered, elbowing Madara in the gut just as he grabbed onto my hair. "_Ow!_"

"Guys…" Hashirama shook his head. "Children. I am dealing with _children_."

"At least we don't have a baby face like yours," Madara retorted and immediately Hashirama wilted, curling up into a ball as a dark cloud hung over him.

Madara and I exchanged glances before we both tackled into him.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I was covered in bruises and bitemarks, and my scalp stung like crazy, and I was pretty sure my ribs were bruised, but I stared in smug satisfaction at the boys who were worse off.

"Now that we've established that _I'm _the topper, I think it's safe to start on our training now," I said, smirking.

Madara's brow furrowed. "… The topper? I don't get it."

"You will one day," I dismissed. "Alright… so first things first. I know you two know how to find and utilize your chakra, and I'm guess you're already familiar with the change in chakra nature, yes? Hashirama, the jutsu I'm going to teach you is called the Earth Flow Wave, the signs for it are Rat, Snake, then Tiger. You'll want to focus your chakra to the part of your body that's closest to the ground. In this case, that's your feet. Push your chakra into the ground and force it to manipulate to your will - you'll want to be touching the ground to be doing this. Madara, I'm going to teach you the Running Fire technique. Gather your chakra into your mouth and release it in a single breath. It'll start off small, but aim it towards the ground. Once it hits the ground, continue to manipulate it with your chakra, it'll begin to spin and run - usually taking the form of a ring. The only sign for this is the Tiger."

"… Can you demonstrate?" Hashirama asked hesitantly.

Nodding my head, I performed each jutsu, adding additional instructions. Both boys gave me thoughtful expressions.

"Go ahead and try them out," I said with a smile. "I'll help you when you need it."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

And with that, ninjutsu training became an added part to our regime. It wasn't much, though, because we didn't spend much time on it, usually distracted by one thing or another.

"Where's Maddie?" I asked, frowning as Hashirama gave me a small bag of seeds. Inwardly, I was doing a mini-dance of victory because my garden was no longer such a sad, pathetic thing. Now it was _just_ sad!

"I'm here. _Don't _call me that," Madara grumbled, stepping out of the trees and into the front yard of my sad, pathetic little home. He tossed me a sack of seeds.

"Why not, Maddie-paddie?" I asked and Hashirama covered his mouth with his hands.

Madara flipped me the finger and I gasped. "Such horrible actions! You should be ashamed of yourself, Maddie-paddie-laddie."

"I'm too tired to kick your ass," Madara grouched.

"Then just bask in my glorious company," I retorted. "... So what are we going to do today?"

"... Have you guys heard about the Forest Shrine?" Madara asked, a gleam in his eyes.

I frowned. "... No…?"

"Yes," Hashirama said, looking a little paler than normal. "Wh-Why'd you bring that up, Madara-kun?"

"Because… today… we're going to find it!" Madara declared.

_"No!_" Hashirama squealed. "Th-That place is haunted! It's filled with cannibalistic ghosts a-and…!"

"Ghosts that eat other ghosts?" I asked, confused. "... So it's like a last one standing thing for ghosts? That just sounds dangerous for other ghosts."

"N-No! They eat _humans_. Everyone knows those that enter the Shrine, exactly thirteen days later, their bones - which had been gnawed on - appear on the doorstep of their families!"

"... That doesn't sound like a haunted place," I observed, recalling that _no such thing _existed in my timeline, ergo it must have been mortal-caused and died off. "... It sounds suspicious. I'm with Maddie-kun, I say we go investigate, Hashi-washi."

Hashirama whimpered while Madara shot him a smug look. "Ha! Now let's go, you guys."

"No!" Hashirama declared, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

I sighed and grabbed his hand. "Come on you big baby, you can hold my hand. I won't let the big-bad-ghosties hurt you."

"_No_," Hashirama said again, this time more firm and he tried pulling away. Nonplussed, I continued to drag Hashirama behind Madara, who was leading us into the forest. "Why are you so strong, Sasori-kun? That's not fair!"

Madara stuck his tongue out, glancing over his shoulder. "Don't be such a baby, Hashirama."

"I am not," Hashirama snapped. "I just have way more common sense than either of you two."

"Or you just have more self-preservation," I reasoned.

"That, too."

"Or maybe we're just heroic and brave and you're a pansy."

"I hate you."

"... So Maddie-kun, do you know where we're going?"

"Don't call me that and of course I do."

Hashirama snorted. "You do not."

"Do, too!"

"Do not!"

"Do, too!"

"Do _not_!"

"Do, _too_!"

"Can you two resolve your sexual tension later?" I whined. "It's _hot_ today and I still need to hunt for my dinner."

The two fell silent and Hashirama gave up trying to escape my iron grip. Which was good because I was getting annoyed wasting my chakra to hold on to him. We traveled in silence for several minutes before I sighed.

"Maddie-kun, you don't know where we're going, do you?"

Madara shrugged, looking sheepish. "... Not really."

"Idiot," Hashirama muttered under his breath.

"Don't make me kick your ass."

"As much of a sex-god you turn up to be, you are _so _not cute at this moment for wasting my time," I muttered, even quieter under my breath. Both boys looked confused at me.

"Whatd'ya say Sasori?" Madara asked, frowning.

"Nothing. Nothing at all, Maddie-paddie-laddie-kun."

"Okay. That's it. Prepare yourself, because I'm about to shove my foot up your ass."

"Kinky, but I bet Hashi-washi would appreciate it more than I would."

Both boys tackled me into the ground.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Great, now what are we supposed to do?" Madara growled. The fight hadn't lasted long, because somehow in the tumble, Madara's arm had been scraped, revealing a nice long, wide gash. "How am I supposed to explain _this_?"

It was true that neither of the boys had actually had a skin-breaking wound from our tumbles before, and the bruises could easily be hidden by their clothes. And while neither of the two boys knew of the other's family origin, it was unspoken that both boys came from another clan. They just chose not to think too hard on it.

"Relax, let me see it," I said, gently taking his arm. "This is nothing. Don't be such a baby."

"I am _not_ a baby!"

Rolling my eyes, I placed my left hand over his wound. My chakra flickered a pale blue, then out of experience and habit, it turned to a pale green. I ignored the sucked in breaths of both Madara and Hashirama, and within seconds the wound was closed. "There. All done."

I looked up to find the awed expressions of both boys.

"... What?"

"What was that?" Hashirama whispered.

"... Medical ninjutsu."

"Is it a kekkai genkai?"

"... Why are you asking that?" I asked, furrowing my brow as I thought through my history lessons. Why were they so surprised? Medical-ninjutsu wasn't exactly a new thing. Regeneration and self-healing was invented long before Madara and Hashirama were born - the Uzumaki Clan dominated _that _field. True, I suppose healing _others _wasn't all that common. Actually… now that I thought about it… it wasn't invented until Hashirama married Mito and the two thought about…

Oh.

_Oh_.

Oh, _shit_. I just rewrote history. Big time.

Whoopsie.

"I've never… _that's so neat!_" Hashirama exclaimed, his eyes wide with excitement. "You could… you could help _so many people_! Sasori-kun, you're… you're amazing!"

"Uh…"

"Are you going to become one of those doctors?" Madara asked.

"One of what…? Oh you mean those bogus doctors that charge good people outrageous prices in this time, despite not knowing shit? Nah. I don't need money. Although, I mean… I guess I could do with books… and seeds. Yeah. That's what I'll charge. Plantable seeds or vegetation or books. One seed per person."

"That's… that's kind of a steal," Hashirama said. "_Everyone _has seeds, and if you're not picky, they could just take some from wildlife flowers."

"That's fine by me," I said. "If they give me a rare and exotic seed, then they're set for a good three years. Maybe five."

"You're cheap," Madara said bluntly.

"I don't know if I should be offended by that or not."

"Not," Hashirama said quickly. "You could… you could really help a lot of people. Save a lot of lives… what else can you heal?"

"... Broken bones, burns, nearly all flesh-wounds, uh… I'm not too skilled with head-damage. I mean, I can _do _brain-surgery, but I'm pretty sure I would have a _really _low survival rate for the patient if I'm by myself…" _Tsunade's a top notch medical-instructor, and she dominated my time during our training, mostly using hands-on experience rather than books and whatnot. It was why I was acknowledged as second-in command after Shizune at the hospital, and why I was actually going to _be _the head medical-kunoichi at the hospital when Shizune and Tsunade retired. _"... I'm superb at antidotes and poisons, though."

"Could you… I mean…" Madara shifted. "... If someone went blind, could you help them?"

"It would depend on what made them blind," I said patiently. "If it was due to a Dōjutsu, then probably. If it was due to their eye being gouged out and there was nothing left of it, then _probably _not. I've never had a patient like that… I mean…" _I did work with Tsunade on repairing Itachi's eye-damage. I know what to do, and I _can _do it… it'd just be…_

Both boys were silent and shifted anxiously. "Enough talk about me. Let's head back, okay? It's getting kind of late, anyway…"

"... Right."

"Yeah… sure…"

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

It wasn't brought up again - my healing abilities. Both boys seemed to sense my apprehension on the subject and wisely kept quiet. Days passed by, too quickly for me to fully wrap my mind around it. It astounded me how much I could have with the two of them, and when I wasn't playing with the two of them, I was training to bring my reserves back up, or I was hunting down new plants for my garden, or redecorating my home.

It was about that time, that I started mulling over Madara's question. The question on whether or not I was to become a 'doctor'.

It had its appeals, most certainly. There were only so many seeds in the area I could ascertain, and so many books I could steal off the road. Not to mention, Hashirama seemed adamant to believe that _I _could somehow help everyone.

I was so used to everyone having their own medical-shinobi, or their own hospitals, and their own people in general to deal with their issues, it seemed odd that in this time… they didn't.

They _didn't_ have a competent person to help them.

They _didn't _have the means to take care of them (medically speaking).

_I _was the first medical kunoichi. _I _was the first one to help them.

So on a hot summer day, I leaned on Madara's shoulder. The three of us were feeling lazy that day. I said, "I'm going on a small journey."

Madara moved his head, shoving me off his shoulder in the process. Not bothering to catch myself, I just flopped into the grass. "... What?"

"Well… I want to collect more seeds and books and stuff… so I thought, you know… I could offer my healing services in exchange for it," I mumbled, yawning and rolling on my back. I kicked Madara in the side half heartedly for revenge for not allowing me to use his shoulder as my pillow. The selfish bastard.

"When will you be back?" Hashirama asked hesitantly, giving me a torn look. "I-I mean… I'm happy for you and all, Sasori-kun, but… well… you know."

"It's not going to be long. A week and a half," I said, rolling my eyes. "Probably shorter. I'd miss you two too much to be gone any longer."

Both boys relaxed at that.

"Wait… by yourself?"

"Yep."

"But… but you still look like a little girl!" Madara exclaimed. "You idiot, there are a lot of creeps out there. You're too young!"

"Says who?"

"Me!"

"Yes, well, you aren't my parents, so you can't tell me what to do. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Do you two think you can take care of my plants while I'm gone? Pretty please?"

"Of course we can," Hashirama said, smiling. "Just water them?"

"Yep," I said. "Thanks buddies."

"I don't… I don't like it," Madara muttered, he then huffed and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest.

He refused to speak to me for the rest of the time.

That was okay. I literally kicked his butt into the stream.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

With a skip in my step, I tightened the robes Madara had given to me. They were a little big, but they were comfortable and more durable than the other clothes I had. Seeing how I had only been able to steal from civilians, shinobi clothes were a welcome change. I had a change of Hashirama's old robes, too in my nearly empty back.

I would be heading to two places: the nearest temple, which was roughly a two day's run away, and the village that rested at its foot. The actual trip there would be uneventful. Or at least I thought it would be, seeing how I would just be jumping from tree to tree. The trip would also be a great way to test out my capacities.

Roughly a day into my journey, I was teetering on the edge of my mind with boredom. Normally on trips like this, I had _someone _to talk to. Even _Duck-Ass _would have been a welcome change, frankly.

… Even _Kabuto_.

The lapdog.

I was just _that _bored.

Thankfully my boredom appeared to be relieved the moment I caught sight of an interesting scene.

A small caravan - it couldn't have been more than eight or so people, not counting the children - had just been ambushed by a group of bandits.

I stopped on a tree branch, and watched as the bandits - fourteen of them - attacked the caravan.

I tilted my head, tapping my chin. _To interfere… or to not…_

One of the bandits had been taken out by one of the men, from the way the caravan moved, though, I could tell they were civilians, or very poorly trained in the shinobi arts. Which seemed kind of stupid, given how dangerous the roads were in this time and age. That gave the impression they were either idiots, or they didn't travel a lot. Actually, a second look at their oversized stock in their wagons seemed to support both theories. You _never _traveled with anything more than you could carry _unless _you had the guards to back you up.

_Naruto would say to interfere. Duck-Ass would say to ignore them. Hmm… pull a Naruto, or a _Duck-Ass_. I think the choice is clear._

"Yee-haw!" I called out, leaping up into the air diving a solid kick into the head of one of the nameless bandits, digging in hard enough that I could feel the odd snack and crack as their skull broke underneath my force. I continued to carry us down into the ground, where we landed with a loud impact. The ground broke beneath us and a small crater formed around me and the corpse. Not pausing, I leapt back up and channeled chakra into my tiny fists. I delivered the first punch to the nearest bandit, sending him flying into the trees behind him.

_These are _really _shitty bandits. I wonder if I should be worried about messing up the timeline by killing these people._

_ … Eh. I've already messed it up and I intend to mess it up even more so. Who gives a shit?_

I turned on my heel, and dashed towards the nearest bandit. Leaping up onto his back, I flipped, so the palms of my hands rested on both sides of his head, and I was directly above him, vertical. I could feel the burn of chakra in my arms as I strengthed my muscles, and built up my chakra just as I had so many times before. The instant I twisted my arms, was the instant I released my chakra, giving me the monstrous boost in strength.

Landing lightly on my feet, I located the next bandit, one of the smarter ones who had seen the entire ordeal. He shook his head silently, fear in his eyes before he turned away and fled.

_That's no fun,_ I dismissed, before locating the next one.

It was quick work to take care of them. After _that _was done, I noted rather sourly that I had burned through too much of my chakra reserves, that I would actually require a rest before continuing my journey.

The caravan stared at me after I stepped away from the last bandit's body. I brushed off the dirt from my shoulders and turned around to face them, raising an eyebrow. "Everyone okay?"

"We…" the eldest there, a man in his forties, perhaps, stepped forward, "... thank you. My name is Takayoshi and this is my family. We are in your debt…"

"You didn't answer my question."

Takayoshi glanced behind me and I followed his gaze. Two of the men who had fought, were injured from the looks of it. One was leaning heavily on his right foot, and the other was clutching their shoulder, which seemed to be bleeding heavily.

I flickered over to the bleeding one first, pushing him to the ground so I could look at his shoulder at eye-level. I pulled his hand away, ignoring his cry of pain and the mutterings of anger from the others. Placing my right hand over his gash, it flickered green.

It took a good minute to heal the tears from _that_ injury. When I was done, I moved towards the limping man, dismissing the stunned expressions on everyone's face.

"Don't make me push you down, too," I told him flatly.

He sat down docilely and I placed both my hands over his leg.

_Well… damn. If I heal him, I'll have to wait even longer to replenish my chakra stores. Shit. Okay. Damn it, Naruto. This is all your fault. How dare you develop as my second conscience!_

Both my hands glowed green as I used up the rest of my chakra I had to spare.

When I retracted both my hands, I sighed, wiping my sweaty brow. "There. All done. Well… it's been fun. Bye."

"Wait! Please… there has to be something we can do… we're on our way to Gurobu."

I paused. Gurobu was the village at the base of the temple… I turned back to face them, scrutinizing them. "... It's true that I _am _heading there… but… nah. If you _really _want to repay me, then _two _things. One: do you have a single seed on you? Two seeds would be nice, but I can make do with one seed. Any kind of seed will do, so long as its plantable."

"And?" Takayoshi inquired.

"_And_ spread the word that there's a new doctor," I said, "by the name of Sasori. I'll treat anyone so long as they can repay in one of the favors: a single seed per healing, or a book or scroll."

"That's it?!" one of the women exclaimed, her eyes wide. "That's… _that's it_?"

"Sure. Later," I said, waving my hand and walking away.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

_I miss my harem_, I thought with a rueful sigh.

The Forest Temple was small in comparison to the Fire Temple, but it was by no means _tiny_. I stood at the front gates, shifting onto the balls of my feet as I stared at the bustling monks and the villagers that had climbed up the massive stairs to receive blessings or some other thing.

I glanced around before I let out a small sigh. Creeping around the groups of people, and climbing up and the actual temple, I sat at the roof.

_Now what?_

"What are you doing?"

At the slow drawl, I turned my head around and found myself staring at -

Kakashi?

No. Wait…

A man who _kind of _looked like Kakashi. He had the hair right, and a scar over his left eye, but his eyes weren't a lazy shape, or relaxed, they were more narrowed and dark. And his scar ran up from the above his eye, all the way down to his jaw. Not to mention his _monk _robes.

"... Figuring out what to do," I confessed.

"Who are you?"

"Who are _you_?"

"Asao," the man replied.

"Sasori," I returned. "Am I breaking some sort of rule?"

"No. You're in my spot, though."

"Oh."

We stared at each other.

"You aren't going to move, are you?" Asao asked bluntly.

"Nope. Hey, what's your surname?"

"... Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Asao said levelly. "What are you doing at the temple?"

"I'm trying to find work, sort of. It's not a huge deal if I don't find it, but I thought it'd be a good place to start spreading the word," I responded.

"Work?" Asao repeated. "... You're too scrawny to be of any use. Go home, little girl."

I huffed. "_Just _because I have pink hair you automatically assume I'm a girl!?"

"No. It's because of your _scent _that I assume you're a girl. You can't hide your scent from me, _little girl_," Asao drawled.

"Oh. Okay. But I'm not going home, I'm pretty damn sure I can be of help."

"How?" Asao asked bluntly.

"Give me your hand."

Asao gave me an unimpressed look as he gave me his hand.

I broke his finger.

He didn't even blink. "You better have a good reason for doing that, or you'll regret it."

I then wrapped his finger in my hands, my hands glowing a dull green. It took two minutes, but soon enough, the finger was mended.

He retracted his hand, an interested gleam in his eyes. "... I see. What do you want?"

"I'll treat anyone so long as they can repay in one of the favors: a single seed per healing, or a book or scroll."

"... That's it?" Asao asked.

"That's it. I live nearby, so I'll stop by the temple every now and then. I'll heal all children and elderly for free, though. So do you have anyone here that I can heal, Asao-jiji?"

"I do," Asao said. "Come with me."

I trailed behind Asao.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

There was a small abode outside of the temple, it looked kind of sad and pathetic, all run-down and tiny. I saw a fairly cute young man - actually he looked more like a boy, a scarce few years older than myself - surrounded by children who seemed ragged and almost dirty.

"... This is Gurobu's orphanage," Asao said quietly. "There are a fair few who have fallen ill… they are inside."

"I see," I said quietly.

"Maku," Asao said sharply. "Come here."

The older boy broke away from the children, smiling warmly. "Hello, who is this?"

"Sasori," I demurred. "A pleasure, Maku-kun."

Maku brushed back curly brown hair, and his golden eyes peered down at me with open curiosity and warmth. He reminded me a bit of Naruto, actually.

"A pleasure, indeed, Sasori-chan."

"Kun," I corrected automatically.

"_Chan_," Asao snorted.

"I would rather not be _known _as a girl, Asao-jiji. That's just dangerous at my current age."

"Fair enough, but you can trust Maku, it's Maku's job to care for the orphans under the Temple's protection and care."

I frowned, and peered at Maku. "... I guess I don't really have a choice."

Maku blushed under my scrutinized gaze. "I won't tell a soul, Sasori-ch-_kun_."

"Good. Now take me to sick kiddies."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

When I was done with the children, Maku was staring at me with wide, wide eyes.

It was starting to get a little annoying.

Asao had watched silently through it all, his opinion completely hidden. "Well, then, if that's it… Why don't you head up to the temple with me, Sasori-_chan_? You can stay at the temple for the night, while I inform my brothers of what has transpired and of your… offer."

"Sure, sure," I said, giving a yawn. The children I had healed, were sound asleep, and the ones that did not need the healing, were watching from the shadows, or the doorway. As I walked out of the orphanage behind Asao, one of the children stopped me. She stared up at me.

"Sasori-san, how come you helped us?" she asked, her voice squeaky.

"... Because it's what I do," I said, uncomfortable with her confused look. It wasn't _that_ uncommon to help someone for little to nothing, was it?

I mean… I mean, sure… in this time, everyone was almost constantly at war. Villages were burned down, families lost, and people slaughtered… all for the sake of money, or survival. It was brutal and cruel, and _horrible_, but it wasn't _that _dark, was it?

It wasn't _so terrible _that a little girl didn't seem to understand _kindness_, right?

"... Because it's what's _right_," I said, this time more firmly. "And I'll _keep _helping you out, okay?"

Asao cleared his throat and I turned to follow him.

However, I glanced back over my shoulder to the dirty, ragged orphans, and that sad, sad place they dare to refer to as _home_.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

When I awoke early in the morning, there was a meeting with what Asao informed me to consist of the head monks. After I had gone to bed in one of their guest rooms, Asao explained what had transpired. So I found myself sitting, my legs tucked underneath me, in front of a range of men, varying from ages. Asao actually seemed to be the youngest one there.

"... You are Sasori?" asked one of the elders.

"Yep," I said.

"You weren't kidding when you told us he wasn't much to look at," snorted another one, glancing at Asao.

_told us he…_

I inwardly smiled. So Asao kept his word and didn't tell them I was a girl. Excellent.

"I take offense to that," I said mildly.

"I don't care," he said flatly.

I bristled. "You bi - "

I caught myself, remembering my manners. Huffing, I shot him a glare. "Fine. I'm not healing _you_ then."

He bristled. "_What?_"

"You heard me," I snapped. "You can't _make me_ do anything, and believe me, I would _love _to see you try. I don't ask for much. A seed or a book for my services. However, you _will _treat me with respect or _I will not help you_. Respect is _earned _not _given_, old man."

He stood up, and the oldest man there, one who almost looked like the second Dumbledore with a longer mustache, said softly, "Sit, Touza. Forgive my brother, Sasori-kun. He did not mean offense. From what our brother, Asao, has said you are quite a healer."

"I am."

"How long will you be with us?"

"A couple more days," I said. "Then I'll leave. I'll return in some time, but I can't give you a definite time."

"I understand," he said. "The Temple would be honored if you performed your services here."

"Thank you," I said. "I'll head down to the village, as well, in case there are those who are too sick to make the trip to the temple. I would appreciate it, however, if you would spread word that I am willing to help those in need."

"Understandable. However, I must ask… what do we get in return?"

"Nothing," I answered. "I'm not looking for a place to stay in and heal in _one_ area. I will travel. I will move. I will not be bound to any one person or place. I will remain forever neutral, understand? However, this will be the most frequent places I visit, due to the proximity it has to my home. If you don't want me here, then tell me so and I will leave and never return. If you do, then all you have to do is spread the word. I won't ask for a room and board, either. I don't need it. You don't need to feed me, either."

"Very well," he said gravely. "If you are capable of such charity, then I see no reason why _we, _the temple, are not. You are welcome to stay here as long as you please, Sasori-kun."

"Thank you."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"... You know, you don't really seem like a monk to me," I told Asao as he escorted me towards the sick room after the meeting.

"You don't really seem like a child to me," he retorted.

"Fair enough."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The rest of my 'journey' went by without much note. I was able to collect an entire bag full of seeds and a couple books, and I was quite content with that. The villagers seemed to especially like me, even more so when it became apparent that I had rescued one of their 'friends' (who lived in the village, too, apparently Takayoshi's family were one of their farmers. They were returning from another one of the nearby villages, gathering supplies for the upcoming winter).

I visited the orphanage and Miku in my free time there, offering my assistance in patching the pathetic hovel up. Miku seemed especially grateful for my assistance, and the children seemed to _like _me (which was… nice).

On the way back to my home, I didn't come across any trouble. It was late when I returned, so I just went to bed.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

After planting all my new and wonderful seeds, I leaned back and stared happily at my growing garden. I would have to plant several seals around it to keep it growing during the winter.

I was _extremely _grateful to have Sasori as my boy-toy. He knew sometimes had to grow several of his ingredients for poisons in the winter, or in less than ideal climates, so the genius actually devised a system of seals to plant around his 'garden' that would keep and adjust the temperature and climate to ideal growing situations.

And he taught _me _the seals.

If he was nearby, I would have glomped him.

I felt a pang in my chest.

Hell… hell… if _any _of them were within glomping distance, I'd…

"Sasori!"

I was pulled out of my thoughts when a familiar boy slammed into me, knocking me to the ground and squeezing the life out of me.

"Hashi-kun," I squeaked, struggling to breathe. "I can't breathe. Maddie-kun! Help me!"

Madara smirked. "I don't respond to that atrocious name."

"_Maddie!_"

Hashirama released me, grinning widely and wiping at his eyes. "I… I'm so glad that you're back, Sasori-kun."

I patted his head. "It's good to be back."

"Tell us what happened," Madara demanded.

"Oh, _okay_. Let's head inside for some tea, though. This nice lady gave me these _awesome _tea leaves for helping her sons. I am _so _growing my own tea leaves!"

Hashirama laughed while Madara smirked and grabbed my hand, pulling me up. "Whatever, pinkie."

"I haven't heard that one before. That's so original," I deadpanned.

"Shut up."

"So original."

He slugged me in the stomach.

That was okay, though.

I kneed him in the groin.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Once upon a time," I said out loud. The two boys were laying on the ground, out of breath from training and I sat in between them, both their heads propped up against one of my legs, "there was a girl. She was an awesome girl, who was a total fangirl, too."

Madara gave me an unimpressed look while Hashirama looked faintly interested.

"One day she found herself plucked out of her normal, dull life, and thrown into the magical and adventurous life of being a kunoichi," I said.

"How was she _plucked_ out? Did a bird kidnap her?" Madara asked incredulously.

"It's just a saying - "

"I don't think a bird would pick a girl out," Hashirama continued, frowning thoughtfully. "I thought they'd rather peck at them."

"_It's just a saying now shut your mouth before I kick your ass._"

The two wisely kept quiet.

"The awesome girl entered the new world with eyes filled with wonder and excitement. She thought everything was going to be all fun and games. She made friends right off the bat, those friends went by the names of Ino, Naruto and Hinata. You see in this new and strange world she entered was a shinobi world and she lived in a shinobi village. A village filled with top-notch shinobi and kunoichi who all worked together and fell under the same rule as one leader."

"That doesn't seem very realistic," Madara observed. "... Unless you're talking about a giant clan, right?"

"No, no, this village consisted of all sorts of clans - and even some civilians turned shinobi."

"... And they _all _worked together… they _all _got along and followed _one_ person?" Hashirama asked, disbelief in his tone.

"Well, there were Clan rivalries, of course, but everyone was willing to lay down their lives for another fellow shinobi. It was their way - it was the Will of Fire."

"This is such a fairy tale," Madara muttered.

"Hush. In this village, there was an academy, where all children who wanted to follow down the shinobi path trained and learned. Upon graduating the academy, each student would be placed into a team of three, and placed under the tender care of one of village's best shinobi. The awesome girl, let's call her Sakura, was placed on a team with her new friend, Naruto, and a Duck-Ass by the name of Sasuke."

"There's a shinobi duck ass?" Hashirama blinked. "... An actually ass that's an actual shinobi? Seriously?"

"Okay, okay, so he wasn't an _actual_ duck's ass, Mr. Literal. His hair was like a duck's ass, though, so the awesome girl called him Duck-Ass. That, and it pissed him off to no end and she absolutely loved trolling him."

"She sounds like you," Madara said dryly.

I glared at him. "Interrupt me again. _I dare you_."

Clearing my throat I said, "So the trio went to meet their new sensei, a man by the name of Kakashi. He decided to give them a test, to see if they were ready to become shinobi. He held two silver bells and said that to pass they had to get the bells, but there was _only _two bells, so _only _two could pass. Sakura didn't buy it, so she went off to watch the two others make idiots of themselves, and of course they did. Kakashi went as far to sexually assault Naruto, which caused Sakura to laugh her ass off and reveal her hiding spot. But she thought it was definitely worth it."

"That sounds… so wrong," Hashirama sighed.

"Hashirama: _interrupt me again. I fucking dare you_."

Clearing my throat _again,_ I continued, "In the end, all three passed because they were just that epic. So with her newfound team, the girl set to work on becoming their own medical-kunoichi. After all, she had a good feeling they needed a medical-kunoichi. On their very first mission outside of the village, though, things took an unexpected turn. You see, one of the ways the village gains revenue, and the shinobi are paid are through _missions_. Kind of like when a clan is employed as mercenaries or bodyguards, only they aren't so nitpicky about their missions. Well, they are _morally_, but generally… The point is, the missions were separated in terms of rank. Because her team was still new to the shinobi force, they were only supposed to take low-ranking missions, however on their very first mission… it took a surprising turn and turned into an _A-Ranked _mission, one of the highest mission ranks!"

"That's poor background screening. Obviously the people who assigned the missions weren't doing their job right," Madara sniffed. "That or their village was trying to kill them."

"Now why would the village try and kill them?" Hashirama pointed out reasonably. "That's just not logical."

"Unless one of them was the child of an enemy of the leader," Madara retorted. "Or maybe they weren't loyal. I don't know."

I cracked my knuckles. "None of those are right. It was just a poor and lazy screening that they landed the mission. No one inside the village was trying to kill them at that specific point in time. And _what _did I warn you two about?"

"I can't help it if you have too many plot-holes in your story," Madara whined.

I slugged him in the stomach, and smacked Hashirama over the head.

After Madara regained his breath, and Hashirama stopped seeing stars, they both pushed me into the stream.

I stood up, soaking wet and shivering.

"Bitches. Challenge accepted."

They grinned.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Okay, okay… so… let me get this straight," I said, giving the two boys a pointed look. "You will be gone for two entire _weeks _and you won't tell us _why_?"

"We'll miss you," Hashirama blurted out.

Madara shrugged, his eyes downcast.

"You're dead to me. How _dare _you leave us alone," I deadpanned.

Madara snorted and slugged me in the shoulder, but it was a weak punch, and I barely felt it. "Whatever. Just don't die, okay?"

"Aw, would you miss me?"

He shot me a glowering look and Hashirama gave us both a pained expression. "Guys… I can't believe you'll be going, though..."

"Right," Madara echoed. "We'll meet right back here. Got it?"

"Fine," I said, turning to face Hashirama. "In the meantime, I will _so _be corrupting you."

Hashirama gave a plaintive whimper, turning to Madara he desperately grabbed his hand. "Please don't go. _Please_."

"You'll live," Madara smirked.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Hashirama tugged on my hand as he guided me through the forest. "It's just over here!"

The boy had told me he found a flower he had never seen before on his way to our normal spot. Interested, I asked him to take me to it. It was a ways from my home, and I was starting to get bored of the walk.

Hashirama guided me to a small rocky ledge, and I stared up at the massive rock wall. He pointed upwards and I followed his finger to find…

"_Holy shit!_" I squealed, running up the ledge vertically to take a closer look at the flower. The Gibraltar Campion to be precise, extinct in _my _timeline.

I kneeled before the delicate flower, my fingers brushing against its soft petals. "Well done, Hashi. Thank you."

I moved my hands into the _Snake, Tiger, Rat _signs and manipulated the earth around the flower to carefully dig it up from the ground, being sure to not break any of the roots. Once I had the pack of soil and flower in my hand, I traveled back down and grinned at Hashirama. Hashirama returned my grin with one of his own.

"Do you want to go plant it now?" Hashirama asked.

"Hell yeah."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I threw another rock across the stream. It skipped three times. I grinned. "Excellent."

Hashirama threw a rock. It skipped seven times.

"Bastard," I accused. "... I'm bored."

Hashirama gave me a sly look. "We could always…"

"_No._"

"Oh, come on…"

"_No!_ I am _not _swimming!"

"You _never _swim with us," Hashirama said. "Come on! I won't laugh!"

"Laugh?" I muttered under my breath. "What's there to laugh about…?" Clearing my throat I said loudly, "_No_ means _no_, Hashi-washi. I _will _however tell you the same thing I told Maddie-laddie when you were sick. Once upon a time…"

Hashirama groaned.

Ignoring him, I continued, "... the awesome girl was nervous, for once."

Hashirama blinked in surprise. So far, I had only told him the story up to the start of the exams. I just got past the exams with Madara, though.

"You see… Sakura knew something was going to happen in the exams. She _knew _something was going to happen, but at the time she just didn't care. She was so enthralled with her adventure and her new friends, she didn't think of much else. So she and her team entered the forest, and knowing that it was dangerous for Duck-Ass, she pressed on. That's when it happened…"

"... If she knew something was going to happen, why didn't she care? If she cared about her friends, she should have done something," Hashirama said, frowning.

"She didn't think of it that way," I said quietly. "She thought everything was all peachy and wonderful. She was a daydreamer by heart. So in the forest, the trio was attacked, but not by any normal opponent. No, no, they were up against one of the _Sanin_."

Hashirama sucked in a sharp breath, recalling my side-story of the Sanin.

"The Sanin… Orochimaru. Orochimaru wanted Sasuke's kekkai genkai, and the only way for that to happen was to take over his body. In order to do _that _Orochimaru needed to give Sasuke a very special mark. A Curse Mark. Sakura… Sakura knew it would only bring misery and grief to her friends and herself if _that _happened, but at the same time she couldn't bring herself to care _enough_. It was true she had grown fonder of Sasuke, but she wasn't all that crazy about him, either… not to mention, part of her still couldn't make the connection."

"What connection?"

"That these were actual people, and not just characters from a story," I said simply. "And when she realized that, when she made the connection that Sasuke was _Sasuke _and not some character, it was too late. The mark was given. She was distraught, but she did her best to hide it. She didn't like dwelling on less-than-stellar subjects. She was the type to shove her emotions far down inside of her until she couldn't feel it, and that's what she did. Yet despite her making the connection with Sasuke, she couldn't quite make the connection with the others."

"... So Sasuke got the Curse Mark?"

"Sasuke got the Curse Mark," I confirmed. "The trio did make it out of the forest. They were alive and weak, but thanks to Sakura's medical skills, they were in better shape than what would have been assumed. After the forest, though, they were faced with a dilemma. You see, _too many _Genin teams passed the forest exam, so they would have preliminary matches to cut the numbers in half."

"Wait, wait, wait. How was there too many? How many were there?"

"... More than ten, less than thirty."

"How is _that _too many?" Hashirama asked reasonably. "The exams end in tournament style, right? Isn't that a good number, then? I mean, it's not too high (over thirty), but it's not too low (less than ten). It's somewhere in between."

"Yes, well, common sense didn't exist in this village apparently. As I was saying…" I retold the events of the preliminary rounds, and then of finding Jiraiya and the training month. I finished the tournaments, and as I reached the invasion part…

"Wait… wait… _wait_," Hashirama said, rubbing his eyes. "An _invasion_? _Really_? I mean, this is a major village, right? And there are _other _shinobi villages that attend there, right? I mean, what if you had the, uh, the uh… the I… Iwa? Iwa, or Kiri, or Kumo shinobi and kunoichi there? Would this… Otogakure _really _be so stupid to risk war with _all _of those villages? And why would Suna attack the shinobi village? For what gains?"

I frowned. "... Land, and money. More missions for them if the shinobi village was gone."

Hashirama snorted. "But if they were so desperate for all of that that they would a.) betray their allies and b.) they had to rely on the help of Otogakure (otherwise I'm sure they would have challenged the shinobi village earlier on their own if they could, considering the shinobi village was already weakened from Fluffy's attack), could they even afford the extra missions? Wouldn't their manpower be weakened even further when it's apparently already pathetic? _Could_ they even handle the missions? Could they even handle holding on to the new land? I mean… what's to stop the other villages from swooping in and killing _them _in their weakened state? Or Otogakure from betraying them? It seems very stupid."

"... Apparently _no one _in this story has common sense," I deadpanned. "Now will you stop nitpicking my plotholes?"

"Sorry, please continue."

"... Right, so the girl, Naruto and Shikamaru left in pursuit of Duck-Ass and the Sand Siblings. When it became apparent that the trio were being followed by Otogakure Jounin, Shikamaru volunteered to stay behind and stop the men pursuing them. With heavy hearts, Sakura and Naruto pressed on without Shikamaru… They eventually caught up to Gaara and Sasuke, and Sakura bravely, yet stupidly, jumped in front of Sasuke to save him from Gaara's attack. In a matter of seconds, Gaara had her incapacitated with his sand. Within a minute, she fell unconscious to Gaara's merciless sand."

"... So she died?" Hashirama guessed.

"No!"

"But you said _merciless_…."

"It's called a hyperbole, and what is _wrong _with you and Maddie? I mean, _most _kids actually _like _stories and they don't _nitpick at every fucking detail!_"

"Such language," Hashirama sighed.

"_So_," I continued pointedly, "when the girl awoke, she realized that everything she knew would happen, _happened_. All those lives that she knew would die, _died_. She knew they were doomed if she did not intervene, and because of her daydreaming views and stubborn ignorance, they _died_."

"Lesson learned," Hashirama said simply. "So, wait… she just _knew _everything happened? I mean, how'd she know that everyone died? Maybe her prediction was wrong? Maybe not _all _of them died, or maybe some died while others lived? Or was it just an 'innate' ability like her ability to 'see the future'."

I smacked his shoulder. "I give up. You damn skeptic."

Hashirama beamed.

"... So… swimming?"

"_Go to hell_."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Hashirama was gone, as well. He didn't know when he would be returning, and the two weeks until Madara's return wasn't up, yet.

I knew, logically, they were both gone because they were both fighting for their lives.

I knew that, yet I couldn't really wrap my mind around it. It was such a strange concept, the idea of two _children _fighting for their _lives_.

It was a cool day, that day. The game was scarce when I went hunting in my normal spots, so I decided to venture further out that day. I had only really left my little area in the forest a handful of times - when I decided to partake in the journey, when Hashirama guided me to the flower, and when Madara decided to try the Forest Shrine (again, only this time without Hashirama).

I leapt through the treetops, suppressing my chakra and making little to no noise. I was beyond thankful for all the times Jiraiya had Naruto or myself hunt for our food during our journey, as well as the extra survival missions.

Due to the season, the days were shorter, so already the sun was starting to dip down in the horizon. Even by the time night had fallen, I still hadn't found heads or tails of any meat.

_Damn. I'd rather not miss another dinner_, I thought dejectedly, when the sound of metal hitting metal caught my attention.

I was quite a ways from my home. I had left my home around noon and traveled straight out since then, propelling myself quickly through the trees. I stopped at the sound, frowning thoughtfully.

I shouldn't be surprised, I supposed. I mean, considering the era and everything. Yet I was. I wasn't anywhere near a road, so I didn't _think _it was a group of bandits attacking a caravan, but still…

Leaping through the trees, I followed the source of the sound, being sure to stay hidden. I peeked through the branches of another tree and my eyes widened when I recognized the scene.

Bodies laid strewn about, and from their armor they were mostly Senju. I could see a few Uchiha, though, and some corpses of an unknown clan. It wasn't the bodies that drew my attention, though, so much as the familiar, scared-witless boy who was backed up against a boulder. Six Uchiha men surrounded the small child (he was younger than Hashirama and Madara!), their backs facing me.

The Senju child was wounded, I could see that. I could also see that if it wasn't treated, he would be dead.

A sense of foreboding came over me.

_His name was Itama, he's Hashirama's younger brother. The Uchiha slaughter him in this battle, _I recalled, shifting on the balls of my feet.

Tensing my muscles, I prepared to spring.

_Am I really going to take on six Uchiha men for the sake of a boy who will probably die anyway?_

"_Ttt_," I muttered.

_Damn you, Hinata and Naruto. Damn you both for being my new consciences. _

Jumping high in the air, my hand flew into the pockets of my obi, withdrawing several home-made smoke pellets. I hurled them down to the ground, and within seconds the area was covered. I dove into the smoke, thankful for my measured jump, as it allowed me to land right before Itama. He gave a whimper as I grabbed him and swept him up, before I kicked up into the air and jumped into the trees.

I didn't look back.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

They didn't bother following, of that I was certain. Perhaps they thought it wasn't worth it.

It didn't matter.

I laid Itama on the ground, who was hyperventilating at this point, staring at me with wide, wide eyes. I placed a hand on his cheek and another hand over his chest. I had to stop to treat him before I continued on, or else there really would be no chance to save him.

"Shh," I hushed. "I will help you, but you have to stay calm. I know it hurts, but don't panic. I _will _save you. Do you understand, Itama-kun?"

He nodded his head, tears spilling out of his eyes.

I wiped away at his tears before placing both hands over his wound and pouring in chakra. His organs had been shoved and sliced open, but thankfully the tissue was opened neatly, precise, and it wasn't an ameteur attack.

That alone was probably the reason he was still alive.

My chakra left my hands and traveled around his organs, wrapping around them; cocooning them. When I had safely stopped the blood from spilling out with my chakra cocoon, I began repairing the actual tissue damage.

I was rusty, much to my chagrin, yet it didn't hinder me much. Fighting and healing… all of it was just like riding a bicycle to me. It may have been a while, but once I was in the groove, it was all natural.

When I retracted my hands, they were stiff. I flexed my fingers, staring at the blood that soaked my hands and my arms. A quick glance at Itama told me he had passed out during the healing, but his expression was relaxed. I smiled at that.

Picking up the boy, I was careful not to disturb his newly regrown skin too much. Then, ignoring the small rush of fatigue, I made my way home.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I kept him tucked in the second room, resting atop large stacks of fur I had skinned and cleaned, and wrapping him in them, as well. I knew he wouldn't be awake for quite some time, days if my estimation was correct, perhaps a couple weeks. He had nearly died, and the introduction to my healing was foreign and strange. In my time period, healing chakra was a common thing, however in this time period, chakra inside the body was a strange thing.

From what Tsunade said, _some _infants were similar, some of the times. They didn't care too much for foreign chakra inside their bodies and often time rejected the treatment. It was one of the reasons why some infants stayed in the hospital for several more days after birth, simply so the doctor or nurses could interject their soothing chakra in their systems until the infant wasn't so resilient.

Itama would require multiple treatments, I knew. He was my first patient in this timeline that hung so close to death.

Tiredly, I carried my underdeveloped body up the stairs and into my room. I was asleep before I even hit the pillow.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I didn't see either of the boys for another two days, which was fine by me. I had my first home-patient to attend to (he still hadn't woken up, so I was forced to resort to some basic medical seals to force-feed and hydrate him. The seals were designed like portable IVs, store the food inside of them, then place the seal over the artery. IVs were better, though, because they didn't require the precise chakra control needed to make the seal, and with the seals on, you had to constantly monitor your patient or else the seal would erode away to their chakra and cause irritation, swelling, and sometimes chakra fluctuations).

At the end of the two days, when I left to check the spot, Madara was there, waiting for me. He appeared relatively unharmed, but I could see a couple bruises spotting his face.

I waved at him. "Hey, Maddie-kun."

"Don't call me that," Madara sighed. "... Where's Hashi?"

"He had to go, too, but he'll be back soon enough, I expect. When he does return, I have something to show both of you."

"'Kay," Madara said.

"... Want me to heal you?"  
Madara's head snapped up and he blinked at me. I gestured to his bruises. "Do you want me to heal you?"

Madara hesitated. "... I… Yeah… I mean… sure, whatever…"

I patted the grass in front of me and Madara sat down. He stripped off his shirt and I had to wince at the bruises that dotted his form. I placed both my hands over his ribs and winced again when I discovered a fair few of them were broken, and the rest bruised.

Madara let out a small sigh of relief as my chakra entered his system and began soothing the pain and aches.

When I was finished, Madara's form was completely relaxed and his eyes closed. "... Thanks, Sasori."

"'Course," I said. "That's what friends are for. I've got your back. Not literally, though."

He snorted.

"Unless you _want _me to have your back literally…"

"No, thank you."

I smirked, wiggling my eyebrows. "You know, I bet your spine would make an epic sword. Could you imagine?"

Madara stared at me. "There is something _wrong _with you."

"H-Hey guys…"

Both of us turned our heads to see a downcast Hashirama.

_Oh. That's right. As far as he's concerned, his little brother died. _

"Good! Everyone's here. Both of you, I have a surprise," I said, grabbing Hashirama and Madara's hands and sprinting to my home.

I kicked open the front door and ran up to the second floor. I then stopped before the unconscious Itama and gestured to him grandly. Hashirama sucked in a sharp breath, paling, with his eyes widening. Madara's own eyes widened, and he gave Itama a calculating look.

"Who's the kid?" Madara asked, moving over and inspecting him.

"Some Senju kid," I said, my tone dismissive and I politely ignored Madara's widening eyes (he put on his poker face almost immediately afterwards, though), and Hashirama refusing to look away from Itama. "Who cares? You see, I was out hunting the other day and then I come across a _battlefield_. Corpses everywhere!"  
I pointed to Itama. "Then I see _this _kid bleeding heavily. He's up against a rock, trapped. There were _six _Uchiha men surrounding him and I knew the kid was doomed. I don't know about you guys, but _I _can't watch _any _kid get hurt, regardless of clan. I know it's risky rescuing such a big-time clan and all, but I don't really care. He's just a child, you know? So I threw down a bunch of smoke bombs, grabbed him and ran."

"... Will he be okay?" Hashirama whispered, his eyes still locked on his pale form.

"Of course. Don't underestimate me," I snorted, waving my hand. "Although I haven't clue what to do with him when he's all healed up. I mean, I guess I could track down some Senjus and give him straight to him, but I don't really want to make myself known, you know?"

"No, I don't," Madara said, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"I'm neutral," I said. "If I showed them that I could heal, that I could save lives… do you think they'd let me go?" _Not they could actually hold me, anyway, pretty sure I could escape the big-bad Senju-babies. _"Besides… besides I want to help _everyone_. Not just Senju. I want to help Uchiha, Hyuuga, Nara…"

"Do you mean that?" Madara asked quietly. "You want to help… you actually want to help all of them? Even the Uchihas?"

"Yep," I said, glancing over to Itama and patting his head. "Though I'm not sure where to start."

"How long do you think it will take before he wakes up?" Hashirama asked.

"Couple days, I think. I'll need to keep him here a while longer, though, so that way I can make sure he's okay. He was in a real pickle before. I can assure you this much: No one else, but myself could have saved him in this time period."

Silence fell between the three of us: Madara was contemplative, Hashirama was still staring at the brother he thought dead, and I was daydreaming about surfing with Kisame.

_Oh, Kisame-sama…_

"... Once upon a time - "

They both glared at me and I wisely kept quiet.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

A couple days later, Itama was still sound asleep.

The three of us had climbed one of the highest cliffs nearby, and we overlooked the forest.

"... You can get a good view of the whole forest from here," Hashirama said, panting heavily. He wiped away the sweat that dotted his brow.

"Heh," Madara said. Hashirama had beat both of us up on the cliff, and the Uchiha wasn't too pleased with that. "It's not bad, sure, but I'm confident that I can beat you when it comes to seeing. Wanna challenge me?"

"No," I panted immediately, gasping for air. It was outrageous, these two. I could scarcely keep up with them, and that was with the extensive training I already had under my belt, and the experience in utilizing it.

I just didn't have their build. Then again, they came from generations of shinobi so their bodies were better suited for this sort of thing, while I most certainly was _not_.

"That's new," Hashirama said, blinking in surprise. "You've never really bragged about your sight before. You seem really proud of your eyes now."

"Of course! I have the Sha - " Madara stopped himself.

"... What happened?" Hashirama asked, concerned that Madara had seemingly froze.

Madara glanced away from us, so we couldn't see his expression. "... Nothing… in the end, I'm not that much."

"... That's weird, coming from you," Hashirama muttered.

"If I was that good, my brothers wouldn't have died," Madara finished.

"... You still have one brother left, though, don't you?" I asked softly, sitting up and moving towards Madara. I spread my legs out on either side of him, and hugged him from behind, resting my chin on his head. I rocked backwards and pulled his down to the ground, idly playing with his soft hair.

Why was it that all Uchiha I knew had incredible hair?

"... Yeah. And I'll protect him no matter what," Madara declared before elbowing me in the gut and rolling off of me. I wheezed, clutching my stomach.

"Why are you so abusive when I'm just trying to show my affections?" I whined, curling up.

"Because you disturb me," Madara smirked.

Hashirama giggled and leapt up on to his feet. "Alright! Let's do it! Let's build our settlement _here_! Let's make it a place where children don't have to kill each other."

"What if they wanted to?" I wondered and Madara fell backwards ontop of me, being sure to dig his elbow in my stomach again. Hashirama ignored our behavior, especially when I started pulling on Madara's hair.

"We'll build a school where children will be taught how to be strong and grow up! Missions will be chosen depending on personal skills and strengths. Seniors will assign the proper level. In our village, children won't be sent to the violent battlefields."

"Here, here!" I cheered, shoving Madara off of me and kicking his shoulder.

"What do you guys think?"

We didn't respond right away because Madara had grabbed my hand and was in the process of flipping me. However, we seemed to have lost exactly _where _we were (or Madara was feeling particularly nasty) and he ended up throwing me off the cliff.

"You little shit," I deadpanned before shrieking as I fell. "Hashirama, avenge _meeeeee….!_"

Madara's eyes widened and before he could respond, Hashirama shoved him off the cliff to.

"Traitor!" Madara howled.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Afterwards, the three of us went back down to the stream to say goodbye. Hashirama and Madara both grabbed rocks and skipped them across the stream, back and forth to one another while I continued to pull twigs out of my hair from the fall. "I am _so _glad I kept my hair short."

"Mn," Hashirama said, catching Madara's stone and throwing it back. "Madara! Keep that stone. It's a good one. You can bring it back next time, alright?"

Madara threw another stone to Hashirama. "Same goes to you."

Hashirama beamed. "Alright. Later guys!"

"Bye, Hashi-washi," I called out. "Thanks for avenging me."

"Bye, Traitor!" Madara smirked.

Hashirama stuck his tongue out at Madara before he turned and left. I patted Madara's shoulder. "Sorry for making Hashi avenge me."

Madara smiled. "Sorry for throwing you off the cliff."

I held up my hand in a fist, and Madara bumped his fist to mine. "Stay safe, buddy."

"You, too," Madara said before he turned and left.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The next morning, Itama had awoke, but he hadn't stayed awake for long.

Itama blinked up tiredly at me. "... Wha…?"

I placed a hand over his forehead, smiling gently. "You're still weak. Don't worry, you're brother will be here soon enough and then you can go home. Okay?"

Itama gave a soft, almost delirious smile, at that. "O-Okay. Th-Thank you."

_He kind of reminds me of a genderbent version of Hinata,_ I thought wistfully.

When I had changed his seals and got ready for the day, I headed out to our meeting spot. I stood in front of the stream, completely relaxed and anxious for Hashirama's arrival. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to find out his brother was quite well and that he had woken up for the day.

"Sasori…"

Hashirama was the first to arrive, and immediately after he presented himself, Madara stepped out of the trees.

I looked in between, my smile dropping.

Neither of the boys were smiling.

"Sasori…" Hashirama said again, a pained expression on his face. "... Sasori, please… I think today you should go home."

"No," I said flatly. "What the hell is wrong with you guys?"

"Sasori, listen to Hashirama," Madara muttered. I crossed my arms over my chest and promptly sat down on top of the stream. He glared at me. "Fine. Hashirama, let's start off with tossing our rocks."

"Alright."

The two boys threw their rocks towards each other and that's about when I started to realize just what the _hell _was going on.

"Hashirama, Sasori, I'm sorry. Today, I remembered I had something to do," Madara said, giving a strained smile after he had gripped Hashirama's rock.

"I-I see. Then I'll head home today, too. I have things to do," Hashirama said, waving goodbye.

I stayed silent.

Just as the two turned away and were about to flee, Senju Butsuma along with Tobirama appeared before me, in front of Hashirama, and Uchiha Tajima and Izuna behind me.

"Senju Butsuna," Tajima greeted.

"Tobirama," Izuna said flatly, his tiny body tense.

_Ohmigawdhe'ssofuckingcuteandtiny!_ I inwardly squealed.

"... So it seems. Uchiha Tajima," Butsuma said flatly.

"... and Izuna," Tobirama - _OHMYGAWDHE'SSOFUCKINGCUTEFORANASSHOLE _- said.

"... Oh," I said brightly, torn between glomping Tobirama and glomping Izuna.

Then I noticed the atmosphered. I gave a strained gasp. "The tension! Holy crap, there's a _lot _of tension here."

"Sasori, get out of here," Hashirama called.

"_No!_" I gasped, glaring. "This is both of your guys's fathers, right? Then it's only polite that I meet them."

I turned to Tajima first, since he was closest. I smiled brightly and dipped my head. "Hello, Uchiha-sama, sir. I'm Sasori, Madara's friend."

Turning to Batsuma I said, "Hello, Senju-sama, sir. I'm Sasori, Hashirama's friend."

They both gave me blank looks.

"Maddie-laddie, Hashi-washi, your guys' fathers are antisocial," I whined.

"Sasori!" Madara snapped, while Hashirama sighed.

"I don't have time for you," Tajima snapped.

"Well fuck you, too," I returned, raising my eyebrows.

Madara flickered towards me, hitting me over the head. "Don't talk to my father like that!"

I rubbed the back of my head. "He started it!"

"I don't care!"

"Enough of this," Batsuma snarled. "No son of mine will _ever _be friends with an _Uchiha!_"

I raised my hand. "What about an orphan? Is that okay?"

"Just as no son of mine will be friends with a _Senju_," Tajima spat.

"Again, is an orphan okay? If you guys don't respond then I'm just going to assume you guys mean: _Of course, Sasori! You're totally welcome to be our baby's BFF because they'd be completely lost without you._"

"I would not!" Hashirama and Madara objected immediately.

"Yes you two would," I dismissed.

"I don't care if you are or are not, so long as you are _only _allies with the Uchiha clan," Tajima said, eyeing me.

I frowned. "No can do. I'm neutral. I'm neutral like the moon. I'm neutral like Sasuke's angsty. Very neutral, and I _know _my _friends _aren't going to make me choose between the two, because that would be very asshole-ish and I would be very hurt. Then I would be forced to avenge myself and trust me: I know_ all_ about being an aven_ger_."

"You cannot be neutral anymore," Batsuma snapped.

"Is that a challenge, I hear?"

Hashirama and Madara's eyes widened and both grabbed me. Hashirama put his hands over my mouth and Madara grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. "Don't do it, Sasori. Don't do it."

Licking Hashirama's hand - and he retracted it immediately, his face screwed up - I smirked. "Fine! I'll still be _both _of their friends whether you want me to, or not. Challenge _accepted_. Madara, I will see you later. Hashirama, same goes for you."

Then all too happily, I skipped away.

"Aniki… is there something wrong with him?" Izuna wondered out loud.

"Yes," Madara said. "Very wrong."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

It didn't take me long to sneak into the Uchiha compound. After I made sure Itama would be sleeping through the night, I followed Madara's trail back to his home, drawing on every ounce of skill in tracking I picked up from Kakashi and Jiraiya through the years.

When I reached the massive thing, I then brought up my hands and changed the future yet again.

Underground walking was a technique that wouldn't be invented for another two decades, and it would be a while longer before Kakashi copied it (and the Headhunter technique) and taught it to _me_. One of the beautiful things about coming from the future, where everyone looked in _all _directions for guarding, is that in the past, they _didn't_.

So all too easily I entered the compound and popped my head up directly under the small porch-walkway that connected to what I assumed to be Madara's room (it was rather late at night and that was where he currently was).

I wiggled my way out, being sure no one saw me, before I crawled up to the pathway and opened the door.

I entered inside and immediately, Madara's head swiveled around, his eyes wide and he gaped at me. "How did you get in?!"  
Smirking, I wiggled my eyebrows. "You'll never know."

"This is serious, Sasori," Madara hissed. "It means there's a security breach."

"Not for another twenty years," I snorted. "... How's it going, buddy?"

Madara glared at me. "How did you find me anyway?"

"Because I'm awesome, of course."

He sneered. "Right."

"... So… how's it going buddy?" I asked again.

Madara frowned, sighing. "... It's whatever… Sasori… I know you don't want to hear this, but I _can't _be friends with you anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because you're still friends - "

I grabbed his cheeks with both my hands and smooshed his face together, forcing his lips to pucker out like a fish and stopping him from finishing his sentence. "... What if I was an asset to the clan? An asset that was beneficial enough that the Uchihas couldn't _afford _to lose me?"

Withdrawing my hands, I waited for his response. Madara rubbed his cheeks as he contemplated my words. "... You're talking about your healing, right?"

"Right," I said.

"... I've never seen someone like you before," Madara said softly. "... I heard the seniors talking about the Senju kid… it was a slow kill, but… but the blow they gave him would have been a final blow. It… no one should have survived it. They didn't chase after either of you because they knew he would be dead within the hour. Yet you…"

"... You know I can help a lot of people," I said quietly. "But I can't… and I _won't _do it without you and Hashirama by my side. You two… you two mean a lot to me right now. You two are all I have now and I… I'm not giving that up without a fight."

Madara didn't say anything for a while. He finally sighed. "Okay… I think… I think it'll work. Come with me."

"'Kay."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Madara had lead me to his parents room, or what I assumed to be his parents room. He kneeled outside the door for a while, with me hovering nervously behind him. No words were spoken until a quiet, familiar voice, beckoned us inside.

He slid the door opened and entered, and I took in the lush room. Immediately, I saw a pale women who slept quietly in a large bed. Tajima was sitting at the foot of the bed, papers strewn about. His eyes raised to meet us, and narrowed significantly when he saw me. "Explain yourself, before I kill you."

I stepped in front of Madara, already channeling chakra in my hands in preparations of fight then flight. "I'm Sasori, as you know. I want to be Madara's friend, but I also want to be Hashirama's friend, so I'm here to propose something for you. I'll be your medic, in exchange you don't interfere with Madara's and my own friendship _and _you acknowledge that I'm _neutral_."

"You? A _medic_?" Tajima sneered.

"It's true," Madara blurted out. "You remember the Senju brat that was kidnapped from a 'pink creature'? It was him! _And _he saved him. I _saw _him. He was alive and well, and perfectly okay. He saved him from Tojou's _killing blow_!"

"I don't believe it," Tajima said flatly. "It must have been a trick, Madara."

I held out my hand. "Cut me. I'll prove my… my 'kekkai genkai'."

The reason I addressed it as a _kekkai genkai_, was because that would immediately prevent any Uchiha from trying to copy my techniques. In _my_ time period, the Uchiha knew better than that because it required extensive training to properly utilize. They had to _know _the body, because the healing ninjutsu was doing things below the skin that the Sharingan couldn't copy. Here, though, they didn't, and I didn't want to risk them finding out the hard way.

Tajima held out his hand and I placed my arm in it. A sharp burning sting ran across my arm, as Tajima deftly pulled out a kunai and sliced through it.

Blood pooled out quickly (and squirted), and I inwardly cursed the man for severing an artery.

I placed my right hand over my bleeding left arm and green chakra wrapped around both appendages. Within seconds, though, the skin was sealed up and there wasn't a scar in sight. I held out my arm to him and he stared at me with wide eyes.

He took my arm, jerking it this way and that as he examined it. "You…"

He dropped my arm and gave me a calculated look. "And what's to stop me from keeping you here?"

"You can try," I threatened, "but if you attempt that I will _never _heal any other Uchiha aside from Madara, regardless of what Madara says. _And _I emphasize the _attempt_ because trust me: _you won't catch me_."

"Do _not _underestimate me," Tajima snapped.

"He's not," Madara said quietly. "... Chichi… we won't catch him."

Tajima gave a small grunt, staring at me blankly. "... I will test you." He jerked his head in the sleeping woman's direction. "My wife is on her deathbed, now. We don't know what's wrong with her, but _our _medic gave her another week, max. If you can save her, I will allow you to be… _friends_… with my son. You will also become our medic, and come when we call."

"... Agreed. However, only Madara can retrieve me," I said quietly. "If anyone else comes, I won't."

"Deal."

I stood up, ignoring Madara's torn expression and I walked towards her. Upon closer inspection, I saw that she was unnaturally pale and flushed, her breath coming out in ragged gasps and sweat dotting her brow.

Shifting slightly, I placed my hand over her forehead and sent out my chakra to diagnose her.

Almost immediately, I found the problem.

"Bronchitis?" I said out loud, confused to see how such a simple illness was so deadly, before recalling that this was in a _different _time period and 'Bronchitis' hadn't even been discovered yet.

"Bron-what?" Madara asked, frowning.

"Er, actually… I know this disease. It's called… Ibuseism," I deadpanned.

_I always wanted to name my own disease. This ones for you, Ibuse. _

"Ibuseism," I repeated. "Don't worry, I can cure her. Give me… eh… one hour."

"One _what_?" Tajima repeated. "... It took our medics _weeks _to even find out what was wrong with her, and longer still to conclude her demise, and you figure out what wrong with her in _seconds_ and you can fix her in an _hour_?"

"That sounds about right."

Tajima blinked at me, dumbfounded.

Ignoring him, I placed both my hands over her chest and set to work.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

She was awake by the time I was finished, blinking bleary-eyed at me and frowning minutely. "Wha…?"

"Kayo," Tajima said, his voice surprisingly gentle (I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Uchiha were _very _affectionate and loving with their own. Behind closed doors, of course, and given the life-expectancy in _this _time period, I was nearly certain they were extra sure to cherish what little time they had left with one another… I couldn't think that with a straight face. I'm sorry). I hid my smile behind my hands and coughed to keep my snickers unnoticed.

"Tajima," Kayo whispered. "I thought… I… I can breathe easier now… what…?"

"I'll explain everything later," Tajima murmured. "For now, rest."

"Ah… ah… okay…" Kayo yawned, curling up in their bed.

When she had fallen asleep again, Tajima turned to look at me, his expression unreadable. "... She is… A deal is a deal, Sasori."

I nodded my head. "I'll return in two days. I have business to attend to tomorrow, and it should give you plenty of time to inform everyone of what's going on. When I return, I'll look to those who need it."

"Two days," Tajima said, his black eyes pinning me. "Do not be late, Sasori."

_I am so tempted to be late just to challenge that._

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Itama was safely passed out on my back. He had woken late the following morning of my meeting with the Uchiha. I told him when he woke up again, he would be at home. He gladly allowed me to knock him unconscious, then.

I carried him to the Senju compound, utilizing both my tracking capabilities, and from the memories of Tsunade telling me where the old compound was.

When I reached there, I snuck in the same way I snuck into the Uchiha compound. It was the middle of the day, though, so Hashirama wouldn't be preparing for sleep. Instead, when I found his chakra signature, I popped up out of the ground in the nearest secluded area.

Brushing dirt off my clothes, I adjusted the sleeping Itama. THen all too happily, I moved my way towards Hashirama's chakra signature. He was with others, training, I was sure. And when I turned around the corner and caught him in the middle of a sparing match with an older boy, I smirked in satisfaction.

"Hashi-washi!" I called out, and Hashirama's head snapped in my direction as the older boy connected his fist against Hashirama's cheek.

Hashirama fell to the ground and I winced sympathetically. All eyes turned towards me (us, including Itama), and I only recognized Tobirama and Batsuma.

"You," Batsuma growled. "What are _you_ doing here?"

I smirked. "What? You don't want your son back?"

"Chichi! He has Itama!" Hashirama yelled, rushing towards me. "Sasori, you brought him here, didn't you?"  
Turning my back, I presented the sleeping Itama. "Yep."

Faster than I could see or process, Itama was ripped off my back, and in the arms of Batsuma and Senju shinobi surrounded me. Hashirama threw his arms around my neck, hugging me. "Thanks, Sasori!"

I hugged him back. "Happy to help, buddy. I thought if I brought back your brother, safe and alive, it would give me a good start on persuading your father in allowing me to stay friends with you."

"You… you certainly have my attention," Batsuma said, his voice strained as he continued to hold his son. "There… there was enough blood there… he couldn't have survived. How did he survive?"  
"Sasori's a healer," Hashirama said, excited. "I've seen him do it. He's amazing, Chichi! He can heal _anything_."

"Oh, stop, you," I said, smirking. "... Actually, please continue."

Hashirama slugged me in the shoulder. "Sasori!"

I snickered.

"Anything?" one of the shinobi echoed. "... Batsuma-sama, if it's true… we were all there. Itama _should _be dead, but…"

"... Prove it," Batsuma said, staring at me.

"Okay. Someone cut me," I sighed, holding out my arm. Tobirama moved swiftly, taking his kunai and - Okay. You get the rest.

When I was done, I folded my arms across my chest, cocked my hip and raised an eyebrow. "I'll heal anyone in the Senju clan for free, _if _you agree to allow me to continue to be friends with Hashirama _and _you acknowledge my neutrality regarding you and the Uchihas."

Batsuma looked back down at Itama, who continued to sleep softly. "... Very well."

Hashirama and I exchanged excited glances before we bumped our fists together.

"Awesome."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The next time I entered the Uchiha compound, I was greeted by two stern-looking guards. I waved at them. "Yo. I'm Sasori, and I'm here to _first _heal everyone that needs to be healed, and then I'm off to pretty much goof off with Maddie-laddie."

They ignored me, choosing instead to walk away.

Taking the hint (and feeling a little irritated at being annoyed), I trailed behind them.I was lead further into the compound, where I was showed into a long room.

Uchiha. Uchiha as far as the eye could see.

They all glanced up from what I assumed to be their meeting, all their faces blank.

"Tajima told us you would be an asset to us, regardless of your… affliction… with the Senju," a man with a scar in an x-shape on his cheek said, his eyes flat and holding a sort of dead-tone to them.

"... Yeah," I said slowly.

"Why _exactly_ do you want to help us?" He questioned.

"Because Madara's my friend," I said very slowly, being sure to pronounce each syllable loudly and clearly enough. It seemed a little ridiculous that they needed me to repeat such an obvious thing.

"That is not an answer," He said.

"The hell it isn't," I snorted, placing my hands on my hips. "Why can't I help one of my only two friends?"

"_Only_?" another interjected. "And what about your family?"

"Did you not get the memo that I was an _orphan_?" I returned.

"That doesn't answer my question. That only means your biological parents are dead," X-Face said.

I snorted, looking down. "... Gone. I'm alone. That's why I chose the surname of _Saigo_. I'm the last one."

"What was your previous clan's name?" Tajima asked.

Considering the question, I let out a small sigh. "We weren't… we weren't really a clan. Not… not in the way you would think. We were just… just a village. Then… Then I… then they were gone. Simple as that. Madara and Hashirama are all I have left…. there's very little I _wouldn't _do for both of them."

"Would you spy on _other _clans? Clans aside from the Senju?"

"_If _that is what _they _wanted… probably," I consented. "But it would take a lot of persuasion, truth be told. I'm not wavering on my neutrality between you and the Senju, but nearly everyone else…"

"Nearly? What do you mean _nearly _? Who else are you loyal to?"

"The orphans," I said. "I won't do anything to assist you in harming an orphanage."

"Anyone else?" X-faced asked.

I considered his question. "... I _guess _not. No one human, at least."

"And we're supposed to just take your word for it?" sneered another.

"It's either _that _or I walk and ya'll can die on your own," I said, shrugging. "Well, actually I'll probably kidnap Madara and Izuna."

"You threaten to kidnap one of our own?" growled the same man that sneered earlier.

I nodded my head, nonplussed. "Madara's my friend and he loves his brother, ergo his brother is my obligation, too."

Tajima snorted. "What do _you _know about obligation?"

"More than you would believe," I assured him. "... So is that all I'm wanted here for? Or can I get going?"

"We don't trust you," X-Face said bluntly. "However we acknowledge your… abilities… are valuable enough to risk our trust. _Do not make us regret this_."

"I can't promise you _that_," I said wistfully. "I've been told I'm a bit insane at times. I might annoy you guys to no end. I _can_ promise, however, to _not_ betray you."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I stared around at the medic-tent, Madara by my side. I entered the tent, this small, pink-haired child, with Madara trailing behind me and Tajima leading me.

I took one look at the all my patients - thirty six to be precise - and then at the medics.

"Alright. All the idiots, please leave," I said loudly, giving a pointedly look to what I assumed to be the 'head medic'.

"Excuse me?" she asked coldly, her graying hair seeming almost silver when the light hit it just right.

"Shoo," I said, shooing her with my hands. "Begone. I don't want to catch your idiocy. I'll be done with this lot by the end of the day and _then _you can have them back. Now, _shoo_."

"Tajima-sama, I don't know who this - "

"Do as he says, Kikyo," Tajima said gravely. "All of you, leave."

I smirked in satisfaction as they left.

It was good to assert my superiority in the medical field.

"You wanna watch, Maddie-laddie?" I asked, glancing over at Madara.

"Madara has training to attend to. I, however, will be watching," Tajima said. I nodded my head, wiggling my fingers in goodbye to Madara.

"I'll see you afterwards, buddy."

"Hn. Whatever."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I retracted my bloodied hands from my last patient of the day, a young kunoichi. She had been staring at me the entire time, watching my hands mend together a week old flesh wound that the previous medics had stitched up. When I was finished, she touched her thigh, marveling over the fact that there were no scars.

"... Acceptable," she whispered.

In Uchihaneese, that roughly translated to _Holy shit you're amazing and if I wasn't so stoic, I would totally kiss you right now_.

Pleased with that response, I turned to Tajima, cocking an eyebrow. "That's the last of them for the day. I'd still like the three I mentioned to stay overnight for the extra rest. If that's all, though, I'd like to go play with Maddie-laddie."

Tajima's lips twitched in amusement. "Very well. Leave, Sasori."

"Later, my slaves," I said, skipping out of the tent. It didn't take long to track Madara down (and to wash my hands of the blood with a quick water-jutsu). I ran towards him, glomping him.

"Hello," I greeted, ignoring the looks the two other boys gave me (they were a little older than Madara).

"Get off," Madara grouched, and I noticed he was coated in mud, sweat and a little blood. He was also a little wobbly. It must have been an intensive training routine.

"You can't make me, chubby," I returned, squishing his cheeks.

He threw me off him, forcing the air to leave my lungs. I wheezed, pulling his feet out from underneath him so he fell on his ass.

"Bastard," Madara muttered.

"Maybe," I coughed, sitting up and looking at the two boys. "... Hello."

The smaller of the two (who vaguely reminded me of Shikamaru), raised an eyebrow. In a lazy drawl he said, "You're Sasori."

"I am," I agreed. "And you are?"  
"Souzo," he said, "... and this is Yuki."

I looked up at the rather feminine boy. He stared at me blankly. I tilted my head. "... Itachi?"  
"Yuki," he said flatly.

"I'm sticking with Itachi. Clone Itachi, maybe?"

"Who's Itachi?" Madara asked.

"... person that I knew, oh hey, lookatthat. Izuna. _Heeeeey_."

Izuna approached his brother, eyeing me warily. "... Hello, Sasori-san."

I whined at the honorific, and at his adorableness. "I have to hug you. Please?"  
Izuna's eyes widened and he backed away, while Clone-Itachi and Souzo, smirked. Madara face-palmed and glared at me.

I sprinted towards Izuna, tackling into him and glomping him. "You're _so _cute. Can I keep you? Madara, can I have your brother, please?"

"No!" Madara snapped.

"Please get off," Izuna whispered as I started stroking his hair. "Aniki, he's scaring me."

"Sasori…" Madara threatened. "I'm tired, sore and _not in the mood_."

I flipped him the bird.

With a snarl, Madara slammed into me. I substituted myself for a log and glomped Izuna again. "Don't be such a stick in the mud. Izuna doesn't _actually _mind, right? My actions are _good_."

Izuna gave a weak smile. "... They're different."

"You'll get used to it," I assured him. "Trust me. You'll get used to it, cutie."

Izuna flushed. "... And weird. I'm not sure how I feel about a guy calling me cute."

"Frankly, I don't care about Izuna's opinion at this point," Madara growled. "I'm pissed off. Sasori, I am _so _kicking your ass."

"Oh, so you just need to let off steam," I concluded. "Why didn't you say so? Bring it on, chubby."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Sasori…"

"Mn?"

"... Please quit molesting Tobirama."

"I am _not_ molesting him. I'm just… stroking his hair… and… hugging… him. Besides, he likes it."

"... He's tied up and gagged."

"He kept trying to escape."

"He's pleading at me with his eyes."

"It's just the light."

"He's screaming behind the gag."

"That _is _getting a little annoying."

"... Sasori."

"... But he's not going to be this cute for long! He's going to grow up to be an asshole, and that automatically makes him fugly."

"... Sasori."

"But…"

"Sasori."

"... _Fine_. Where's Itama?"

"I am _not_ telling you where my other brother is so you can starting molesting _him_."

"But he _loves _it."

"I know, and that's weird."

"He's just a sweetie."

"Sasori."

"Oh, alright."

"..."

"... Want to beat eachother up?"

"Spar, Sasori. It's _spar_."

"It's really just us using each other like punching bags."

"I know, but…"

"Fine, fine. Do you want to _spar_, Hashi-washi?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

_*Rubs back of head sheepishly*_

_ So I've been having trouble pushing out the end to this, and seeing how it's already so late and whatnot, I decided to just go eff it and upload this in parts. This is Part I, unedited (sadly). The next part will be a time skip into the teenage years, and then I might do the third part as adults. _

_ This is technically AU of Sakura - AU in the fact that it ignores all of the epilogues and that Sakura didn't kiss anyone at the end. _

_ Gawd I was having way too much fun with Maddie and Hashi. I love those two. _

_ … And yes. At this point, Madara and Hashirama (and the rest of their clans) firmly believe that Sakura is a boy named Sasori. _

_ ;)_

_And you guys... as I said, this is UNEDITED, so um... if you see any typos / spelling errors / generic stuff, do you mind pointing it out so I can fix it? It's harder than it looks to edit your own paper. D:_

**_EDIT: _**_Alright, alright. I got enough people saying that it would have been better if I posted this as a separate story, so there we go. However, if we're treating it like a separate story, it then begs the question..._

**_... do you still want me to limit this to three chapters?_**

_Let me explain. If I limit this to three parts as I planned on originally, the chapters will be about as long as this chapter, if not longer. In exchange, it'll be finished quicker, but the updates will be far and few in between. If I treat this like an actual story, though, the updates will be quicker, but the chapter will be shorter._

**_Let me make this clear,_**_ Chipped Mask, Decaying Bluebells and Shadowed Sun take priority. I already have some of Sakura finished, but if I'm dragging it out to a real story, I will more than likely add scenes and subplots to it. But the trio aforementioned takes precedence over this story. Sorry, but that's just how it is. _

_So I will make that my question of the chapter._

**_Question:_**_ Should I make this a three-shot, or an actual story?_

_Reviews are **love**!_


	2. I Didn't Do It!

"_Do you ever go on YouTube thinking you'll just watch one music video, but then five hours later you're watching how to feed a giraffe?"_

_-Anonymous_

_**Disclaimer: **__OC!Sakura!Sasori is soooooo my bitch. Everyone else is Kishimoto's bitches. _

_**Warning: **__… Sakura. Stalker-ness. Language. The usual. _

_**Beta: **__Haven't decided if I want one or not…_

* * *

My life settled into a routine the following years. I'll spare you the entire thing, as its pretty repetitive and predictable.

Of course neither clans accepted me right away. That would be silly. They were always on tiptoes around me, and the only ones at first to treat me with semi-friendliness was Madara, Hashirama, Itama, Yuki (Itachi Senior, or Itachi Sr, maybe even Itachi the First, now), and Izuna and Tobirama were grudgingly accepting. Mostly because I was rather persistent.

But not borderline stalk-persistent.

Really.

… Okay, maybe a little.

For the Uchihas, they were always politely indifferent. When I visited them, I first would head to their designated medical-tent, and ever since I asserted my authority, the medics had pretty much had it out for me. Not that I cared. They were useless as far as I was concerned, and when it became apparent that _I _was the only decent healer in the compound, regardless of my non-Uchiha status, people started to warm up a _bit_ more. I didn't receive any more glares behind my back (except for the ex-medics), at least. Some even started to approach me.

It took _years _though, for the Uchihas to open up enough for me to reach the status of 'comrade' in their eyes.

It was nearly the same in the Senju, except they were actually a bit friendlier about it. A bit. Like, if you looked _really _hard, then you could see the difference, but a quick shallow look and it would seem the same.

Itama, I had discovered, was _exactly _the generbent version of Hinata personality wise and he was _adorable_. Ever since he found out that _I _had saved him from the 'big-bad-Uchiha-men' all on my own, he's had this sort of hero-worship and started trailing behind me like a little, baby duck.

Seriously. Adorable.

I threatened to kidnap him on multiple occasions, but Hashirama would only smile, pat me on the head and tell me that Itama would always come back home to him.

The bastard. How dare he be right.

I continued my training, as well. Due to the fact that I had started training in my reserves and techniques far earlier on than Sakura had done previously, my reserves were even larger than they were in my previous life with Sakura, and I was _loving it_.

I traveled to the temple, as well. Roughly once every two months, I would arrive at the temple and be guided to the sick who had gathered. Within two years, it became well-known that a 'gifted' doctor visited the temple and those who could travel there, did. I had only ever traveled past the temple twice on requests. The first time had been a village that had been struck with an epidemic, and the second was to _another _village with _another _epidemic.

When I visited the temple, I mostly spent my time with Asao and Maku (Asao _really _reminded me of Kakashi… when he was still an asshole and set on the rules. I wasn't sure what Asao was so anal about, but he had little to no sense of humor, that was for sure. Maku proved to be a bubbling optimist, always finding the silver-lining in damn near everything).

Overall, those were my years leading up to teenage-hood. I was roughly fifteen when the next bit of interestingness happened.

Oh, and I had still managed to keep Madara and Hashirama thinking I was still a boy.

It was completely awesome having such a flat chest for once.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"I still don't see _why _you wear a _mask _every time you visit the temple," Asao said flatly.

"Because it's awesome and I don't want anyone finding out anything about me, except what I divulge," I said, my voice coming out muffled through my salamander mask, my white hood pulled up to hide my hair.

"It's stupid," Asao said bluntly.

"Your face is stupid."

His eyes narrowed.

"Sasori-kun," Miku said, hurrying over to us. I shifted to the balls of my feet, adjusting my bag slung over my shoulder that held all the seeds and books I had collected from my healings at the temple. He stopped before me, smiling brightly. "I just wanted a chance to say goodbye."

"Oh. Okay. See you in two months," I said, frowning. "... That can't be all you wanted. What's wrong with the orphanage now? I _just _built a new roof over it!"  
"Nothing," Miku said, flushing. "I really did just wanted to say goodbye, Sasori-kun."

"... _Hmph_. Oh, Asao, did you get _any _information regarding the, uh… the thing I asked about?"

"I did," Asao said slowly, his eyes narrowing. "I'm still debating on sharing the information with you, though. It wouldn't do if you died because of your stupidity."

"I can handle it," I objected. "Come on, _please_? For me? You know I'm so totally your favorite girl _ever_."

"You _are _the only girl he tolerates," Miku said, smirking at Asao. Asao gave him an apathetic glare. Don't ask me how. He just did.

"_Only _because you're the only useful one I've met," Asao snapped.

"You don't get out a lot, do you?" I asked sympathetically, patting his shoulder. "There, there. I give you permission to fanboy all over me."

"That just sounds wrong," Asao said distastefully, "and it's _not _happening."

"One day," I declared, "I swear _one day_ I will have my own fanboy! Or girl. I'm not picky. And I will _so _rebuild my harem!"  
"You had a harem?" Miku asked.

Asao glanced over to him. "She never told you?"

"... No," Miku said. "When did she tell _you_?"

"When I spiked her drink two years ago," Asao said plainly.

"I'm still mad at you for that."

"No you're not."

"... Damn. How dare you be right."

"... Right," Asao repeated blankly.

"... So the information?"

"Fine. Here," Asao said, handing me a scroll he pulled out from his sleeves.

I beamed. "Good boy."

"Don't make me hurt you."

I sighed longingly. "Oh, how you remind me of… Ah, well. Later, you two."

"Be safe," Miku said.

"Try not to be any more of an idiot than you already are," Asao deadpanned.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

_Home, sweet home_, I thought lovingly. _And hooray for not having a pathetic garden any more!_

With a spring in my step, I moved about the place, humming happily. You could scarcely find a place on the wall, or a clear spot in a cabinet, there were so many plants decorated about. Some were overgrowing and fell from the ceiling to the floor - I'd have to trim those soon - and some grew out the numerous windows I had sawed out. It was bright, colorful, and it smelled _wonderful_.

I quite loved it.

Although, I could do without most of the bugs. The spiders, and butterflies, and earthworms and… Well, if I hadn't gotten used to being comrades with Shino - and again, forced to bunk outside numerous times due to my trip with Jiraiya and Naruto - and thus gotten pretty damn immune to bugs, I would be screwed.

I moved through the place, placing my sack on the table and opening it. I pulled out the several books and scrolls, and headed up to the makeshift study.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

There was knock on the door and with a reluctant sigh, I closed my book and headed down. Opening the door, I found teenage-Madara, his arms folded across his chest as he stared moodily at me.

"Who's sick _now_?" I whined.

"Why do you always assume someone's sick when I come and see you? What? A friend can't visit a friend?"  
I raised an eyebrow.

He gave an annoyed sigh, looking away. "... Yuki."

I smirked in triumph, stepping behind him and closing the door. "Figured. Let me guess, even though I told him explicitly _not _to do any chakra-intensive training for a week, he went ahead and did?"

"... Something like that."

"Why is it so hard for shinobi to just obey the medic's orders?" I wondered out loud, moving down the path.

Madara didn't respond right away. "Hell if I know."

"If you ever do figure it out, let me know. Otherwise I'll just have to assume it's because most shinobi are secretly masochistic."

"Pervert."

"Damn straight."

Madara turned around to give me a dry look as we neared his compound. I winked at him and he crinkled his nose. "Has anyone ever questioned your sexuality?"

"You mean which gender I prefer to cuddle the most with?" I asked, feigning surprise. "... It wouldn't be the _first _time."

_I've actually been questioned that quite a bit since coming here, _I mused. _I suppose it _is _a bit weird in their land and time for a boy to be all fangir - er - fan_boying_ over everyone. And being a touchy-feely. I can't help it if I'm a hug-slut, though. And it's _so _not my fault that they just have a serious lack of hugs in this place, thus forcing me to go to extremes to satisfy my addiction._

Madara snorted. "You're so weird."

"Yet you're still friends with me."

"Only because I have to be," Madara retorted.

I raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Oh? Is that _so_?"

Madara huffed, turning away. "_Duh_, you _idiot_. Who'd want to be friends with _you_?"

I kicked off from the branch was I on and used his head to skip over him. Madara let out an oath, clutching his head while I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him. "You do. No one could force _you _to do something you wouldn't want to do. You're such a liar, Maddie-waddie."

"_Stop calling me that!_"

"Never."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The sun was starting to set by the time I was done with Itachi Sr. I patted his head and skipped out of the medical hut, completely unminding of the occasional stare. The Uchiha Clan was still coming to terms with my quirks.

"Sasori!"

I turned around, beaming when I saw Izuna headed towards me. Although my beam lost some of its power when I realized he was glowering. Sheepishly, I began to slowly back away.

"Don't run away from me," Izuna snapped, picking up his pace. I turned on my heel and ran away from him. "_Sasori!_"

"I didn't do it!" I cried out. "I was framed! It was all Souzo's fault."

Souzo, who had I just run by, looked mildly offended. "Hey!... What's my fault?"

Ducking around a wooden wall, I substituted myself with a log, several meters away in a tree. I curled up in a ball and watch Izuna run around the wall, let out a curse and begin scanning the nearby area.  
His eyes moved past my hiding spot and I breathed out a sigh of relief. When he left, I waited for two minutes before climbing down the tree. "Phew. That was a close one."

"Why were you running from him anyway?" Souzo asked, smirking at me as he headed towards me.

"Damned if I know. I've just come to learn that when either Izuna or Tobirama are glaring at me and coming towards me, it's best to run away," I said, nodding my head sagely.

"That sounds like good advice," Souzo remarked.

"It is," I agreed. "Then again I might be biased because I'm the one who came up with it."

Souzo's smirk widened. "You staying for dinner this time?"

"Me? Miss free food? You're joking, right?"

"Even though you'll technically be eating at the same table as Izuna?"

"... You know… on second thought…"

Souzo laughed and clapped my shoulder. "Oh come on, Sasori. Man up. You'll be fine. Izuna's not going to _kill _you. Maybe maim. Torture. But definitely not _kill_."

I let out a plaintive whimper.

Souzo laughed again and swung his arm around my shoulder as he started to guide me towards Madara's home. After Souzo left me on the front door step, I entered the home tentatively, peering inside to see if Izuna was there. He wasn't.

I stepped in with experienced ease, slipped off my shoes and put on my guest slippers, and then I headed towards the small dining room. The scent of food penetrated my nose and I spotted Kayo working in the kitchen.

"Kayo-chan!" I squealed, rushing to her and hugging her from behind. Kayo, very much used to my hugs, merely giggled and turned around, patting my head.

"Hello, Sasori-kun. How are you?" Kayo asked, smiling gently. Everything about her screamed gentle and sweet, but I knew for a fact that wasn't the case. The only reason she was a 'house-mom' was because a nasty jutsu caught her in her prime and rendered her immune system… fickle. She caught illnesses easily, so it was decided to limit the amount of alien germs to her system by keeping her here as a permanent guard.

"I'm okay. Hiding from Izuna, but okay."

Kayo gave a small laugh. "What happened this time?"

I shrugged. "I honestly have no friggin' clue."

Kayo looked dubious at that, but didn't press for me. "Well, if you're here already, mind giving me a hand?"

"I don't mind at all."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

With the food finished and table set, Kayo and I took a seat across from each other. Within seconds, Tajima entered the room and sat next to Kayo, dipping his head in acknowledgement to me.

"Hiya, Tajima-sama, sir," I chirped, breaking my chopsticks in half.

"Sasori-kun," Tajima returned evenly, mimicking my actions.

"... I give up. I can't fucking find him anywhere!" I heard Izuna mutter angrily as he entered the home.

"Relax, Izuna," Madara sighed.

The duo entered the dining room, and upon seeing me, Madara rolled his eyes while Izuna glared at me.

I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "I give up! What the hell did I do?"

"My. _Boxers_," Izuna hissed out.

I blinked at that, frowning as I tried to think the last time I came in contact with Izuna's boxers. "... Uh…"

"You _stole _them and gave them to… to _that woman!_"

Ah, yes. _That woman_. Better known as Nina. A quiet girl who was obsessively in love with Izuna. Like, she could give _my _stalker tendencies a run for their money with the way she obsessed with him. They _were _childhood friends 'til puberty hit and Nina convinced herself she was destined to marry Izuna. She was aggressive against the other girls that came anywhere near Izuna in the clan, and she was even wary against Izuna's guy friends.

I, along with Souzo, Itachi Sr, Madara and Kayo found great amusement in the relationship. The rest of the Uchihas were either apathetic, or annoyed.

And I suppose it wasn't _entirely _off that Izuna would suspect me. I mean, I did write love letters to her in Izuna's handwriting, and I did whisper to her constantly that Izuna was just being shy about his affections and that she should _never _give up. And I might have knocked Izuna out while I was treating him and let Nina come and watch. Several times, in fact.

But this…

"I didn't do it," I insisted. "If I had, I would have rubbed it in your face by now. You'll just have to accept the fact that her love is starting to know no bounds."

Izuna paled considerably and Madara coughed to smother his snickers. Kayo hid her smile behind her hand and Tajima grunted.

"No," Izuna whispered, horrified.

"Yes," I whispered, thrilled. Things were going to get _very _interesting.

"You say no _now_, but in a few years I bet you'll be singing a different tune," Kayo giggled cutely.

I squealed and leaned over to hug her. "You're so cute!"

Kayo laughed at that and patted my head. "You're adorable, too, Saso-chan!"

I beamed at that.

Well. I guess not _all _Uchihas were sticks in the mud.

* * *

_As you can clearly see, _Sasori _will be broken down into a full out story. Due to this, more will be added than originally planned (sub-plots, character development, plot-twists, etc). Lengths will vary greatly. _

_**Update schedule will be **__roughly one new chapter every two weeks (or every other week). When tests / finals / exams / things of major importance occur, it'll be every three weeks. _

_** First awesome fanart **__has been created by Saki-Hitsumi! Link is (as always) on my FF profile, or you can check out her gallery on deviantART. Or my favorites (charredblossom16)._

**_Ages: _**

**_Madara - 15_**

**_Hashirama - 15_**

**_Sasori!Sakura - 14_**

**_Izuna - 13_**

**_Tobirama - 13_**

**_Souza - 14_**

**_Itachi Sr (Yuki) - 14_**

**_Itama - 11_**

_More ages will be posted as needed. _

_ And so, let the mayhem begin!_

_**Question: **__If you _had _to have one mental illness, what would it be? _

_ Reviews are __**love**__!_


	3. Let The Teasing Begin

**_Disclaimer: _**_I want Madara. Sooo much. But I can't have him, so I'll settle for OC!Lilly!Sakura!Sasori._

**_Warning: _**_Laaaaaaaaaanguage. Seriously. She is one crude mofo._

* * *

"Later my darlings," I cooed, wiggling my fingers in farewell. Tajima gave a sigh and ignored me, walking past me and out the door. He mentioned vaguely that he had a conference with a few of the other Uchiha men (translation: He was off to play Poker with the boys). Madara shot me an annoyed look before dragging a still-catatonic Izuna away. Kayo gave me a warm smile.

"Oh," I said, dropping my voice to a low whisper when I made sure only Kayo and I were around, "Kayo-chan, it seems that I've run out of… the necessary supplies… for this time of month. I don't suppose…?"

Kayo's eyes sparkled. "Of course I have some I can give you, Sasori-chan. Us girls have to look out for each other, ne?"

My smile widened.

Of course Kayo figured out rather quickly my genders. She and Azumi (Hashirama's mother) were the only other ones to figure it out during the time skip. They didn't tell their husbands, or anyone else, at my request. They were both perfectly content in keeping it a secret, as they both understood how much more difficult my life would get if people found out I was a girl.

And I think they loved trolling people, too.

But it was a good thing they did. There were just some things that I _needed _another woman to assist me with. Like supplies for That Time. I hadn't the faintest idea where the hell they got them in this time period, nor did I particularly want to. I was perfectly fine with just asking them directly for the… essentials.

"Right," I said. "Thanks again, Kayo-chan. Oh, and I might be taking another journey. There's something I want to check out. Tell the others for me, please?"

"Of course, Sasori-chan."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Oi, Sasori."

On my way out of the Uchiha Compound, Itachi Sr, approached me.

"Yes, Itachi?" I asked.

Itachi Sr scowled at me. "It's _Yuki_." He then shook his head and gave a small sigh. "You left this in the medical-tent."

I stared at the small red bag that Itachi Sr held out to me. I frowned. "… No I didn't. That's not mine."

Itachi Sr looked even more annoyed. "Yes it is. _Take it_."

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the bag, opening it and looking inside. Inside were a bountiful of seeds and books. Gaping, I looked up, only to find Itachi Sr heading away.

"Thank you!" I called out, waving my arm. Itachi Sr didn't even turn around. I hugged the bag of goodies to my chest, giggling gleefully before I headed for home.

Uchiha were far too stubborn to directly thank anyone, but that was okay.

I was used to it.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Early the next morning, I went to the Senju Compound. Once there, I skipped past the usual guards and opened the window to a certain bedroom. I swung my legs over the window and planted my feet firmly on the body that laid below the window.

"_Oof_. Get off, bitch!"  
I jumped up and swung my legs out, landing on my bum on top of the body.

"Good morning, asshole," I chirped, staring down at Tobirama. He glared hatefully at me. "You shouldn't give me that expression so early in the morning. It'll give you wrinkles."

"Get _off_," Tobirama snapped, hitting me in the side. I gave a faint whine before I finally stood up and huffed. Then with as much dignity as I could muster, I marched out of his room and entered Hashirama's. Hashirama was still snoring loudly in his bed and I sat on top of him.

He didn't even notice, continuing to snore loudly. I grinned mischievously, reaching into my bag and pulling out the ink I had bought last time I was at the temple. I pulled back the blankets, wiggling out of the way for them to go free, before I lifted up his shirt. I then took out a brush, unscrewed the bottle of ink, dipped the brush in the ink, and began drawing on his chest and stomach.

I wrote out _Property of Saigo Sasori. If lost, please return._

I then drew a chibi picture of Madara and Hashirama lying in a pile with me standing on top of them, giving everyone the bird.

Unsurprisingly, Hashirama didn't wake up through it all.

_He's always been such a heavy sleeper,_ I thought fondly. _Now he must pay the price._

Satisfied with my work, I rolled off of him, grabbed my things and headed out the door.

"S-Sasori-sama!"

I stopped when I heard the surprised squeak, turning around to find a bedroom door open and Itama staring up at me with wide, wide eyes. His hair was a mess and his clothes were disarrayed. He even had a little drool on the corner of his mouth and he looked positively shocked to see me.

"Itama-kun," I greeted, frowning, "you have drool on the corner of your mouth."

Slowly, a horrified expression on his face, he raised a hand to the corner of his mouth. When he found the drool, he gave a scandalized squeal, turned on his heel, and slammed the door shut.

Dismissing his normal behavior (honestly, I never understood why he always got so embarrassed when I saw him in anything less than super-awesome light), I continued down the hall and into the kitchen where the smell of rice and eggs greeted me.

"Good morning Azumi-chan!" I chirped.

"Get out," Tobirama grouched, glaring at me from his spot at the table.

Azumi brushed back a long, white strand of hair from her face and gave me a humorless smile. While Kayo was all bubbles and love (with a rather scary temper), Azumi was cool and composed (with a horrifying temper). "Good morning, Sasori-chan. Would you care to join us?"

I shook my head. "No, thank you. I ate before I left. I'm going out on another journey, so I wanted a chance to check up on everyone before I left."

"Another journey? Good," Tobirama said, looking pleased.

I stuck my tongue out at him and Azumi shot her son a withering glance. Immediately, at his mother's disapproval, Tobirama flushed and looked steadily down. Azumi moved towards me, brushing a finger through my short hair. "And may I ask what this journey is for?"

"I want to find an old friend," I answered honestly. "I found some promising leads and I would like to see if I can finally find him."

Azumi gave me another thin smile. "I see. When will you return?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I won't be gone for more than a month, though. But if all goes well, I should be back within the week."

Azumi gave a nod, satisfied with the answer. "Very well. We have no new visitors in the medical tent, but you are welcome to check up on the usuals."

Grinning, I bowed my head. "Will do. See you later, Azumi-chan, Asshole-chan."

Tobirama sneered at me when Azumi wasn't looking and I turned and headed out the kitchen. On the way, I ran into Itama again, who looked rather polished since our earlier encounter. Blushing brightly, he stammered, "G-G-Good morning, Sasori-sama."

Smiling in amusement, I patted his head. "And how did my favorite Senju sleep?"

His face was redder than a tomato and he was starting to wobble. "G-G-G-G-G-G-Good."

"Think you can do me a favor?" I asked.

Itama's attention seemed to sharpen and he straightened up. "_Anything!_"

"Go wake Hashi-washi. Tell him to meet me in the medical tents," I told him and Itama seemed to wilt under the favor. I frowned at his reaction, prepared to tell him to forget it (I guess he was having a fight with Hashirama or something and he didn't want to see him), but Itama already turned away and headed to Hashirama's room.

I shook my head and headed out to the medical tent.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"I'm glad you came."

I glanced up to find a rather dejected Hashirama standing outside the tent. My hand flickered back to blue, before the chakra died entirely and I retracted my hand. The old man gave a sigh of relief.

"Continue to take your medicine and you'll be good as new," I told the man before standing up and walking over to Hashirama. "Something wrong, buddy?"

Hashirama gave a slow nod, looking around, before grabbing my hand and sprinting across the compound. He finally stopped when we reached a secluded and deserted training ground. He gave a sigh, falling on his back in the grass and staring up at the sky.

I turned around and fell on my back, laying next to him.

"I just found out yesterday," Hashirama mumbled, "that I'm supposed to get _married_."

"Really? To who?"

"Some girl named Mito," Hashirama muttered, rolling away from me on his side. "I don't even know her! I don't want to get _married _to her."

Frowning, I idly scratched my cheek. "Then don't."

Hashirama rolled back around to face me, giving me one of his rare glares. "I can't _not_ get married! I have to do it for the Clan."

"Then get married."

"But I don't _want_ to."

"Then don't."

"You're not helping."

I shrugged. "Is it the end of the world if you _don't_ marry her?"

Hashirama shook his head slowly.

"Will your clans become enemies if you don't marry her?"

Again, he shook his head.

"Will people die, directly do to the fact that you married her?"

Hashirama thought about it. "… I don't _think_ so."

"Then don't marry her," I said simply. "They can't actually _make _you marry her. Worse comes to worse you can defect and come live with me."

Hashirama gave a weak smile. "Thanks for the offer, Sasori."

"And if you haven't met her, then maybe she's not so bad. Maybe you'll actually _like _her," I said reasonably.

Hashirama's nose crinkled at that. "… I dunno…"

I patted his shoulder. "Just ask your mom if you can meet her. See where it goes from here."

"I _guess_," Hashirama sighed.

I cleared my throat. "Now I hope you realize I'm going to have to start teasing you about this."

Hashirama gave me a pleading look. "Can't you be a bit sympathetic? I would if you were in my place!"

"But there's a fine difference between your situation and mine," I said bluntly, "No one can force _me _into marriage. I'm not going to marry some girl just 'cause someone told me to."

Hashirama rolled his eyes. "You would be speaking differently if you had _my _family."

"Nah. That's just the way I am."

He eyed me another moment before shrugging. "Somehow, I believe you. Kaa-chan said you were going on another journey…?"

"Mm-hmm. Asao got me the information I've been looking for, so – "

"Can you wait?" Hashirama asked, his eyes morphing into his infamous puppy-dog eyes. "Please? Just until Mito shows and I meet her? I don't want to meet her alone. _Please_?"

I pursed my lips. "I dunno…"

"I'll be your slave for a day."

"A week."

"Day and a half."

"Week and a half."

"Two days."

"Two weeks."

"… Two days and a half."

"_Life_."

"You're supposed to go backwards and meet me half way!"

"Eternity."

"Fine! A – "

" – _month_, deal!" I finished. "Glad you could see it my way, buddy."

Hashirama gaped at me.

"Slave, fetch me Itama!" I declared. "And a water. With a little umbrella inside it."

"But… but we don't have any little umbrellas," Hashirama protested weakly.

"Do I look like I care?"

He pouted, standing up and moving away sullenly.

I laid back down on the grass, hooking my fingers behind my head and staring up at the blue sky. Minutes passed before Hashirama returned with a star-struck Itama. He was carrying a small cup of water with a little wooden umbrella – mostly likely made using his wood-style.

"Y-Yes, Sasori-sama?" Itama squeaked, blushing brightly. "You called for me?"

"Yep. I have the urge to continue to draw on something, but Hashirama's already been taken care of, so I need another canvas. Want me to draw on you?"

Itama bowed lowly. "I would be honored."

"Don't just accept that so easily," Hashirama admonished, before he blinked. "Wait. What do you mean…?" Hashirama lifted up his shirt, squinting at the kanji. "… What… the… _damn it, Sasori!_"

I pouted. "Don't you like it?"

"Get it off!"

"No. Slave, I order you to keep the drawing for however long I please! Now go and knock out Tobirama and bring him to me. I will draw on him next."

"I can't just – you can't just – I won't – you can't… _argh!_"

Hashirama threw his hands up in the air and stomped away.

Meanwhile, Itama was already sitting on the grass, his shirt off as he looked dutifully ready to be my canvas. I sat behind him, pulling out the ink and brush and starting to draw. "Your brother is so easy to trick into being my slave."

Itama blinked up innocently at me, turning his head to look at me.

"As you know, Hashirama usually ends up being my slave every other week, or so," I said, and Itama nodded in understanding. It was a normal occurrence. "It's because he's so submissive. It's not really like I'm _tricking _him, so much as he just rolls with it. Maddie, on the other hand, fights me tooth and nail. I've yet gotten him to be my slave. One day I will, though. Oh, yes. I will."

"I'm sure you will, Sasori-sama," Itama said loyally.

Smiling in amusement, I patted his head. Itama was definitely one of my favorite Senju members. He was a sweetheart (and he _always _sided with me), and he meant well.

I added a little smiley-face to the chibi version of Naruto and Kurama I drew on Itama's back. I could feel a small stab of pain threw my chest as I stared at the two. I wasn't even planning on drawing them, but my hand seemed to have a mind of its own.

It was weird, you know. Being in this world _without _seeing the usuals around. I missed my team. I missed my Shisho and sensei, and _goddamnit _I missed Ibuse.

Ibuse.

Best. Summon. _Ever_.

And my harem.

No one else had as much of an awesome harem as I did.

I sighed.

"That's a heavy sigh," Itama said, turning around and looking worriedly at me. "Are you okay, Sasori-sama?"

"Just thought of my old family," I said, forcing a smile on my face.

"Your old family?"

Itama and I looked up in surprise when Hashirama returned, dragging an unconscious Tobirama by the feet. Hashirama was blinking at me. "You don't really talk about them, Sasori."

"I know."

"Do you want to?"

"Nope."

Hashirama's brow furrowed. "Well… well… if you do, you know I'm here."

"I am, too!" Itama said quickly, shooting Hashirama an annoyed glare. "You can _always _talk to me, Sasori-sama."

I shrugged. "I'm fine, okay? Now let me see the asshole. I'm thinking about drawing a giant _I'm a dick_."

"Don't be crude," Hashirama sighed.

"Too late," I said, while Itama giggled.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"For my last order of the day," I said regally, an hour before noon, "is that you must come to my home tomorrow for lunch. No buts!"

Hashirama smiled. He and Itama stood in front of me at the Senju gates. Itama looked dejected.

I patted Itama's head. "Sorry, cutie. It's just going to be the Epic Trio."

"But I've _never _been to your house," Itama protested, then he blinked. "Wait. Did you call me…?"

His eyes widened and his cheeks took a reddish turn before he started to hyperventilate.

"Damn it, Sasori," Hashirama sighed, while I giggled at his reaction. He deftly caught his brother after he fainted, swinging him over his shoulder and giving me a mild glare.

"See you tomorrow. Have fun training for the rest of the day," I said, already skipping away.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Bright and early the next morning, I snuck into the Uchiha compound and into Madara's room. I sat by his side, watching him sleep for a moment, before I pinched his nose. A heartbeat passed before he gasped, bolting up right, his eyes wide, and he shot out a fist that connected with my nose.

"_Damn it, Maddie_!" I howled, clutching my bleeding nose. I kicked him in the gut before he had time to recover. He snarled at me, tackling me to the ground.

"You peasant! You _know _I hate being woken up like that," Madara said, trying to land a hit on my face, however I was successfully blocking his hits.

"That's – why – I – do – it – !" I cackled. Madara finally stopped, and I relaxed my guard, using this time to heal my broken nose. When it was finally healed, and I lowered my hands, he sucker-punched me in the nose again.

Narrowing my eyes, I healed my nose again. Madara looked smug, shooting me a triumphant smirk. "Don't make me knee you in the balls again."

His smirk faded. "… You started it."

"And I'll finish it," I threatened.

He rolled his eyes. "Please. Don't make me laugh."

I leaned forward and bit his nose and he recoiled, hitting me again. "_What the hell is wrong with you?!_"

"You. Now let's go. I'm kidnapping you."

"I thought you were going on a journey," Madara muttered sourly, rubbing his nose.

"Change of plans. Hashi-washi's getting engaged and wants me here for moral support."

Madara's eyes widened, a mischievous spark lighting in them. "Did you say… Hashirama is getting _engaged_? Oh this is going to be _good_. Let me guess, it's to some troll, am I right? For the political advances of Senju… Oh, I bet it's some whiny, bratty, princess."

"Hell if I know what she's like," I said, shrugging. "She's the Uzumaki Heiress, if that makes any difference."

"So she's got a temper and she's a brat," Madara said triumphantly. "I almost feel sorry for him, but that's what he gets for allowing his parents to just marry him off."  
"So, what? No forced bride for the _great _Uchiha Madara?"  
Madara shook his head, smirking. "Hmph. As if any women could meet Kaa-chan's standards. Otou-sama has tried, but Kaa-chan's sent them all packing. At this rate, it looks like I may just be lucky enough to remain a bachelor for the rest of my life."

"Good for you."

"What about you?" Madara asked, raising a mocking eyebrow. "Are your plants whispering to you to get married?"  
"_One time!_" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air. "The _one time _I accidentally mixed hallucinogens in my tea _and you just can't let that go_. How was I supposed to know unless I tried the new, unidentifiable plant?"

"I don't know. _Ask a professional botanist before you decide to make tea out of a plant you've never seen,_" Madara said dryly.

I huffed. "Where's the adventure in that? Now come on! Or I'll sneak hallucinogens in _your _tea when you least expect it. Hashi-washi's going to show up around noon, so we have until that time to think of as many jokes at his expense."

"Noon? We'll have to hurry, then," Madara said sardonically.

Rolling my eyes, I swatted at his shoulder. "Come on. I'll leave a note, you get a head start."

"Sasori, I can't just – "

"Do it or I'll tell Hashi-washi about the snuggle-fest you had a month ago with your cats," I said, smirking. Madara paled.

"I can't help it if they're so fluffy and warm," Madara whispered. "… Fuck. Fine. I hate you, just so you know."

"Yep. Now move your butt, Chubby."

He hit me over the head as he left.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I served the tea to the two boys, taking a sit at my small, round, wooden table outside my wanna-be cottage. "So… an Uzumaki bride."

Hashirama groaned. "Oh _God_, I knew I shouldn't have come."

"You had no choice in the matter, slave."

"You became her slave _again_ so soon? You've only had two weeks of freedom," Madara said, shaking his head. "You're pathetic, Hashirama."

"Shut up, cat-cuddler," Hashirama retorted.

Madara gasped then lurched across the table, tackling me out of his chair. "You swore you would never tell!"

"I didn't!" I whined, grabbing his fists to keep him from landing any more hits on my poor face. He kneed me in the stomach.

"He didn't," Hashirama said, "I just took a shot in the dark and landed the jack-pot. You _actually _cuddle with cats? I knew the Uchiha liked their cat contracts…"

Madara stopped trying to murder and turned on Hashirama. "Shut up. At least we _have _summons. What's the Senju summon? Oh, yeah, that's right, _nothing. _Because _no one _wants to sign on with you permanently."

"We're getting off topic here," I declared, as Hashirama's eyes narrowed in anger. "We're talking about _Hashi-washi getting marry-warried!_"

Hashirama flushed, and I snickered at his expression while Madara smirked.

"That's right. A fiery Uzumaki. Judging from how well you handle Sasori, you're going to be _so _whipped."

"I am not," Hashirama objected, still flushing. "It's different with Sasori. He's a guy _and _he has no shame _and _we can actually fight. I can't fight a girl! And girls have shame. _Lots _of shame!"

I laughed at that, throwing my head back and howling.

The two ignored me, used to my odd humor. Though, it wasn't so odd on my side.

Madara sighed. "That's true. From what I hear, the Uzumaki Heiress is practically a civilian. Sure, she's bound to know fuinjutsu, but that's about as good as it gets. You can't fight a _girl _civilian. Then again, Hashirama, you can't even fight a girl, _period_."

Hashirama blushed, looking sheepish. "I can't help it. I don't know where to grab."

Madara patted his shoulder sympathetically. "I know what you mean."

"I don't," I chirped. "Just grab anywhere. Who cares if they're a guy or girl? In a fight, _anything _goes."

"That's because you have no shame," Madara accussed. "I'm pretty sure if we weren't around, you'd do all your battles without clothes because they're 'too restricting'."

"I would n… shut up."

Hashirama sighed, sitting down. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I _really _don't want to get married to a stranger. Or someone that I can't fight with without potentially accidentally killing. Or making them break down crying. Or – "

Madara shrugged. "You're screwed. Simple as that. And who knows? Maybe she won't be so bad."

Hashirama sighed. "Doubtful. I asked Kaa-chan if I could meet her and she told me I was supposed to call her Mito-_hime_ when I did."

Madara and I both crinkled our nose at that. Being called a princess in a shinobi-dominant world was largely an insult to kunoichis. Being a shinobi and married to a princess was just flat out annoying. It usually meant bratty-ness, lots of damsel in distress-ness, and _lots _of money being spent.

"I'm sorry," I said sympathetically. And I was. I didn't really know what Mito was like in her younger days, just that she had balls of steel or something from what Tsunade said.

Hashirama gave another sigh. "It's not your fault. Anyway, I'll meet her soon enough."

"And I'll be there," I promised, "making fun of every little thing you do."

Hashirama rolled his eyes.

"Now fetch us more tea, slave! Maddie-waddie spilled all of mine due to his clumsiness and fat ass."

"You wanna go, _princess_?" Madara mocked.

"Bring it, _diva_."

"_Guys_," Hashirama whined. "Stop having pissing contests without me!"

"You're welcome to try and keep up with us… _whipping boy_."

"Oh, it is _on_," Hashirama said, narrowing his eyes.

I flipped him off.

* * *

_Weeeeeeee. Another chapter. The ending was a biz-nitch to write for whatever reason. And I have finals coming up. Next week, I believe, so all my teachers are giving me 2+ pages of HW every night to "prepare" us for it. Spending two hours studying every day._

_Yay._

_Anywhore, I have glorious fanart for this story! Go and love on it! Links on profile, or you can go to my (Charredblossom16) favorite gallery on deviantART or their yokaikid98 favorites._

_ALSO: _

_ I'm starting an Ask thing. I've read a whole bunch of them on Tumblr and they look like a lot of fun. In short, just ask any question - via review, PM for FF, dA, or go to my Tumblr page and ask and I'll draw a picture in response. You can ask _**any of my OCs or the Naruto cast in my stories or myself.**

_Example, you can ask the Naruto from Chipped Mask, what his favorite food is, or whether or not he walked in on Tobi and Mia in an odd position ;) or you can ask Nao from Decaying Bluebells how she got the butterfly contract / whatever else your heart desires. I'll draw them either responding to the question, or something related to the question._

_I'll post the responses on my Tumblr page, or (occasionally on) my deviantART (tumblr = burntpetal16, deviantART = charredblossom16)_

_**Answer: **I would want… OCD for tidiness and perfection on schoolwork / regular work. Would combat my general laziness magnificently._

_**Question: **What mental illness would you NOT want to have?_

_Reviews are **love**!_


	4. Another Uchiha?

**_Disclaimer: _**_I want Madara. Sooo much. But I can't have him, so I'll settle for OC!Lilly!Sakura!Sasori._

**_Warning: _**_Laaaaaaaaaanguage. Seriously. She is one crude mofo._

* * *

I followed behind Madara, entering the Uchiha Compound. It had been a couple of days since the last Epic Trio meeting and I had spent those days cultivating my garden. Madara, though, came and brought me to the Uchiha Compound at Kayo's request.

"You know what Kayo-chan wants to see me for?" I asked him.

"Kaa-chan didn't say," Madara said, shrugging.

"Aniki!"

Madara and I stopped, some steps before Madara's home when Izuna rounded the corner, his eyes wide. "Aniki! Hide me!"

Madara's eyes widened and he hurried to his young brother, quickly running past him and pulling out a kunai. Izuna dove behind me, transforming into a backpack in the process. I picked him up, holding him and quirking an eyebrow.

Then, around the corner ran Nina. Her hair was done up in a neat, single bun, and she wore ruby red lip stick. Her eyes sparkled with glee and she ran straight past Madara. "Izu-kun? Where'd you go, Izu-kun?"

I laughed. "_Pffft! _Hey, Nina-chan."

Nina pouted when she noticed that Izuna wasn't around. "Oh, hey, Sasori-kun. Have you seen Izu-kun?"

"_Hmmm_. I'm not sure. What's a cutie like you doing looking around for him?" I asked, giving her a mocking wink. Nina rolled her eyes and Madara brushed past her, miming a gagging reflex. I tossed Madara the Izuna-transformed-bag and he headed on inside the home while I continued to distract Nina.

"Hmph! You _know _I only have eyes for my darling Izu-kun," Nina said plainly. "So don't try and get all cozy with _me_."

I whined. "But I'm so _lonely_."

Madara made a coughing sound that sounded suspiciously like a snicker before he entered his home. Shutting the door behind him, he continued to snicker.

"Then go find someone else to moon over," Nina sniffed.

I placed the back of my right hand over my forehead, sighing woefully. "Oh, whatever shall I do? Hey, did you steal Izuna's boxers, by chance?"

Nina blushed brightly, stammering out, "Th-That's none of your concern."

"Izuna accused me of doing it, so yes it is. Look, if you wanted some of his boxers why didn't you just tell me? I would have gladly stolen some for you! So long as _I'm _the best man at your guys' wedding. Not Madara. Because I _completely _support your love and I am _totally _Izuna's best friend."

Nina looked pleased. "Well… you _have _been really helpful trying to flourish our love. More than that _meanie, _Madara. I see no reason why not to have you be the best man. I'm certain Izu-kun wouldn't mind."

I beamed, clapping my hands. "Excellent. Want me to swipe anything else of Izuna for you?"

Nina blushed, looking bashful all of a sudden. "Oh, I don't know… I just couldn't - it's just so - well - Yes. I want another pair."

"Done," I said, wiggling my fingers in farewell. "If you want to name your firstborn after me, I wouldn't mind, too."

Nina giggled, wiggling her fingers in farewell, as well. "I'll think about it, Sasori-kun."

"Please do," I said, turning away and heading inside. After I closed the door behind me, I skipped down the long hallway and headed to Kayo's room.

Tajima and Kayo were both inside. They sat in their large bed, both reading quietly. "Aww. Don't you two look so _cute_."

Tajima shot me an annoyed glare and Kayo giggled. "Oh, Saso-chan, there you are. I'll be right back, Taji-kun!"

Tajima gave a sigh when Kayo used her nickname for him. I wasn't quite sure what was up with Uchiha women and their cutsey nicknames, but the boys seemed to hate 'em, so I encouraged them to the best of my ability. Kayo climbed out of the bed, taking my hand and leading me into the study. She shut the door behind her, looking sheepishly at me.

"I'm afraid I'm… not well, Saso-chan," Kayo said carefully.

Immediately, my back straightened and my gaze sharpened. I moved towards her, my right hand covered in pale green chakra as I reached out to her. My hand rested on her forehead. "What's wrong?"

"I'm late," Kayo admitted, "and I've been getting dizzy spells, and I'm tired more easily."

I tilted my head, the symptoms sounding familiar. My hand trailed down from her forehead to her lower abdomen. A couple heartbeats passed before I retracted my hand, smirking slyly. "Congratulations, Kayo-chan. You're eating for two now."

Kayo's eyes widened and she squealed.

_Since Kayo died years ago in Canon, it'll be interesting to see Madara's newest AU sibling, _I mused.

"Oh this is so great! Phew! And here I thought I was having menopause _Yes!_ Momma's still kicking. _Ooooh_, I can't wait to tell Tajima," Kayo squealed, kissing my cheek and hurrying away. I watched her leave, amusement coloring my features before I gave a snort and headed off to torment Izuna by stealing more of his boxers.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

I continued to stuff Izuna's boxers in a bag, making sure to leave not a single pair behind. I then went ahead and grabbed his pillow, tucking it under my arm before I headed out of the room. Madara caught me leaving, his eyes resting on the bag with a couple pairs of boxers peeking out from it. He stared at it.

"You saw nothing, or I'll come for you next," I threatened.

Madara held up his hands. "I'm temporarily blind."

"Good boy," I told him, turning away and moving out of the hallway. I exited the home, traversing across the Compound before I finally found Nina. I tossed pulled out a pair of boxers from the bag and tossed her that, along with the pillow.

"Oh!" Nina squeaked, her eyes wide. "These are…?"  
"Yep. And I have a feeling that Izuna will be looking for you shortly to inquire about… needing your assistance to find some things," I said vaguely, inwardly cackling. I turned and hurried away, fully intending to hide Izuna's boxers throughout the Compound.

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Kayo dragged me into the study, practically throwing me at Madara and Izuna. She sat down next to Tajima across from us, brimming with excitement. Even Tajima looked pleased.

Madara and Izuna exchanged confused glances.

"Kaa-chan, Tou-san, what's going on?" Madara asked hesitantly.

"It's a family meeting, Mada-chan," Kayo chirped.

"Then what is _he _doing here?" Izuna demanded, pointing at me.

"It's rude to point, you know," I said, grinning widely at Izuna's annoyance.

"Saso-chan is part of our family, too. Sh - He's the daugh - _son _I never had," Kayo declared.

Madara and Izuna frowned. Madara said, "But _we're _your sons."

"And _he's _the son I _didn't _have," Kayo repeated.

Izuna pouted and Madara just sighed. I squeezed Izuna's cheek, giggling at how cute he looked. His pout took a more brooding turn and I giggled more loudly.

"Kaa-chan and I have found out some pleasant news," Tajima said, interrupting my giggles. "It would seem you'll be receiving a new sibling."

"Boy or girl?!" Izuna asked immediately.

Kayo glanced at me and I shrugged. "Meh. Give it another week and I'll know."

"You can find out that early?" Tajima asked, mildly intrigued.

"Please. What _can't _I do?"

"Bathe in front of others," Madara muttered, smirking.

Ah, yes. The bathing thing. On multiple occasions Madara and Hashirama (and Tobirama, Izuna, Itama, Itachi Sr, and many other male patients) have offered to bathe with me. I understood it was fairly traditional and the public paths (public for the Clan's, at least) were supposed to be a relaxing place. Bathing with everyone was supposed to be a sort of welcoming tradition into the family and depending on who you bathed with, deemed if you were a "boy" or a "man".

I, however, was a girl. And I was _not _about to let that cat out of its bag any time soon. So whenever I was offered the chance, I had to politely decline.

Which was not normal for a boy my age.

Or any boy for that matter.

So all sorts of rumors started floating around.

Not that I actively discouraged some of them. Hell, I even added a few.

Some thought my male part was too small (_this _I discouraged). Others believed it was _so _big that it would be insulting to the others if I showed it off. A handful thought I was just hairy all over. Couple thought I was just shy.

The majority, though, believed I was damaged in some way. That I had a scar or burn or some sort of marking that left me ashamed of my body. This was a rumor I _might _have unintentionally encouraged. I _did _have a few scWhyars that carried over, and some that I just recently gained during my time here. The fact that I didn't even take off my shirt and show off my chest seemed to encourage this, and the fact that my past, my family, how I got here, who I really was, remained a mystery…

The stories to the "scars", though, were interesting. My favorite one was that a bijuu had scarred me and the exposure to the chakra turned my hair pink.

Completely false, of course, and impossible. But entertaining to think about.

Regardless of the story, Madara stuck firm to the belief that I just had a tiny dick or something to hide, and he lorded it over me like no tomorrow.

"Why are you so determined to see me naked? You perv," I retorted.

Madara huffed. "I - "

Tajima cleared his throat. "In preparation of the new child, we will be clearing out the storeroom for them."

"Ooo. Sounds like fun," I cooed. "Can I help?"

"I don't want her near our old stuff," Izuna protested.

"Of course you can, Saso-chan!" Kayo exclaimed.

I stuck my tongue out at Izuna. Madara hit me in the shoulder and Kayo shot him a warning glare. Tajima looked like he wanted to sigh, but restrained himself. "We'll begin clearing it out tomorrow. Sasori-kun, will you be staying with us for dinner?"

"Sure. I want to be around when Izuna discovers what else Nina has of his," I sung.

Izuna paled. "Oh, no."

"Oh, _yes_. Thankfully, I managed to convince her to not hoard it all to herself. So I scattered them around the Compound. You'll have to ask her for help if you want to find them all before… _others _do," I giggled.

Izuna scrambled out of his seat and bolted out of the room. A couple heartbeats passed before a scandalized shriek was heard.

"What did you take?" Kayo asked incredulously.

"Boxers," Madara answered. "I mean. I don't know. I was blind at the time."

"Too late. Coming for yours next," I said.

Madara sprinted out of the room to hide his boxers.

"Hide all you want, I'll still find them," I called after him. Tajima just shook his head and Kayo giggled along with me.

Tajima looked up at the ceiling. "Was I wrong in allowing this friendship to continue?"

Kayo lightly slapped Tajima on the shoulder. "Don't be silly, Taji-kun! Saso-chan's been a blessing. Never a dull moment."

"That's what I regret."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

Tobirama grunted when I flipped him on his back. He glared up at me and I put a foot on his chest. "Stay down and I won't humiliate you further."

"I think Sasori has this round," Hashirama said, smirking.

"My slave is correct. Asshole, you may be good, but you're nowhere near Hashi-washi's or Maddie-laddie's level," I told him, retracing my foot. "Nice try, though."

"I'm plenty good," Tobirama defended. "You just don't stay down. With your kekkai genkai, you just keep healing whatever I hurt. How am I supposed to beat that?"

I shrugged. "They do. You can do if you bothered to figure it out."

"Hmph! Don't be ridiculous, Sasori-sama. _No one _can beat you," Itama crowded.

"I can," Hashirama said, raising a hand.

"No one _important_," Itama amended.

Hashirama pouted. "My own brother doesn't think I'm important?"

Itama stuck his nose up in the air, his eyes shining. "_No one _is cooler than Sasori-sama. He's the best!"

"Awww. Thanks, minion. You're my favorite minion."

Itama blushed brightly. "R-Really?"

"Yep. Now come here, slave. It's time for _our _spar to begin."

Hashirama smiled at me. "Mm! Ready to lose?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

The following night, I laid in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't manage to fall asleep and I kept sighing and turning this way and that.

Finally, I threw my hands up in the air, got out of bed and stormed to the bottom floor.

_I miss them, _I thought irritably. _I miss them too damn much. Most of the time I can ignore the pain, but now… For whatever reason, tonight I _cannot _ignore it. _

I exited my home, entering the woods and traveling for several minutes at maximum speed. I finally reached a fairly large tree and ducked underneath a hole at its base. I crawled for a bit underneath it before I emerged on the otherside of a tightly shielded off clearing. The grass was a pale green and white, grey, rocky walls surrounded me. On each wall was a picture, nailed into the rock. Beneath each picture was a small, potted flower, where I had dug into the wall and planted it in there.

The only way into the clearing was through the small hole I dug and over the thirty-meter high walls. On rainy days or nights, I would push a large, woven blanket over the top to keep it from filling up. Most nights, though, I left the hole wide open to let the moonlight pour in.

I sat in the center, staring at all the faces I had drawn. I had yet to draw Tobi, or the Kumo and Kiri shinobi and kunoichi. I had everyone from Konoha, Suna and Akatsuki (aside from Tobi) that I knew and cherished, though. I only had a handful of flowers for them, though. It was hard to find flowers that fit with them. Especially when I had to actually go out and track them down, too.

"This is stupid, but I don't know what else to do," I said out loud. "This seems too much like a graveyard, but whatever. Miss you guys, always."

I fell silent.

"Am I even making a difference on your side?" I suddenly asked. "I mean… are your lives… better? I hope they are."

I grew quiet again.

A minute ticked my.

I groaned and laid back in the grass. "Fuck it. I can't do this, it feels too much like I'm treating like you guys are dead. Which is not true. You're just… not alive… yet. I'm just going to sleep here. Night everyone. See you in my dreams. Except you, Duck-Ass. I will _never _see you in my dreams."

Of course the picture didn't respond.

I sighed. My eyes lingered a moment or two longer than necessary on one particular picture before I closed them.

_Miss you most of all._

* * *

_Short chapter in exchange for updating._

_**I have horrible, horrible news. **__**Someone has been plagiarizing my story, Sakura. **__Their name is lonelylittleunicorn and they're posting it on wattpad. __**I have not nor will I ever authorize my stories on a different website. **__If you are reading this, lonelylittleunicorn, I have already reported your ass and I would like to say __**fuck you, you shitty little piece of whore-sauce. **__You should be ashamed of is NOTHING that ticks me off more than blatant copying. Some say it's supposed to be a form of flattery. I say that's bullshit and they need to go get bent. Again. **.**_

_To those of my readers who do not copy: I love you all. :) Thank you for being so supportive throughout this and thank YOU, RogueMudblood for bringing this to my attention. Lots of love, everyone! Lots of love._

_Until this is resolved, I will not post the next chapter until it is. Sorry, but I just genuinely despise that kind of petty bullshit._

_**Answer: **__Depression / Anxiety issues_

_**Question: **__Who do you miss most of all?_

_Reviews are __**love**__!_


	5. Hello, Mito and Dear

**_Disclaimer: _**_Lilly is the only character that is mine._

**_Warning: _**_Language. Violence._

* * *

"What if she's whiny?" Hashirama asked nervously. The two of us were sitting on his roof. Mito was supposed to arrive any minute, then, and Hashirama was having a panic attack. "What if she hates me? What if _I _hate _her_?"

"You can't hate anyone," I dismissed, patting his shoulder. "You're too much of a pansy."

Hashirama shot me a weak glare, before he looked away. He brought his knees up to his chin. For a teenaged boy, he was surprisingly still childish. Although, I guess it wasn't all that surprising, seeing how I constantly went out of my way to bring him down to my level. I rolled my eyes and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "It'll be _fine_."

"What if it's _not_?"

"Then it's not," I said, shrugging. "Look, the more you stress about it, the worse it'll be."

Hashirama sighed, nodding in consent. "I know…"

A minute of silence passed between us before we heard Itama call out from below. "Mito-hime's here! Come on!"

Hashirama whimpered and scrambled to his feet. He was just about to jump in the opposite direction when I grabbed his ankle and jumped off the roof. He gave a yelp of surprise, coming down to the ground with me.

"Come along, slave," I said, dragging a terrified Hashirama behind me. "Jeeze. God of shinobi, _please_."

"Idon'twannagetmarried. I don'twannagetmarried. Idon'twannagetmarried," Hashirama was hysterically chanting under his breath. I shot him another annoyed look, following behind a bubbly Itama. Itama lead us down the halls and we reached the entrance hall. I opened the door, peering in to find a young Mito, flanked by several guards. Hashirama's mother was greeting them with a small smile, offering them hospitality.

I looked back down to Hashirama to find him gone.

"He substituted away," Itama informed me.

"But… but Mito is… aw, fuck. Itama, go find your brother. I got this," I told him, transforming myself into Hashirama.

Itama's eyes widened, and Tobirama - who had walked in on the transformation - gave me a horrified look. "What are you doing?!"

"Ruining Hashi-washi's life, so you better find him quick," I admitted, before opening the door fully and stepping in. "Hello."

A cherry-cheek Mito glanced over at me, and Azumi's eyes took a gleam to them. She knew immediately I wasn't Hashirama and seemed to conclude that her son was hiding away. Such manners wouldn't befit the Senju Heir, and she was forced to either a.) allow me to continue or b.) confess her son was hiding away from Mito like a scared little boy. Well, she _could _do option c.) distract the Uzumaki guests and stall for time, but I guess she was feeling a little vindictive towards Hashirama for hiding, so she chose option _a_.

"Hashirama-kun," Azumi greeted, "I would like you to meet Mito-hime, your bride."

I strolled to Mito, bending down lowly and taking her hand before kissing it. "A pleasure to meet you, Mito-hime."

Mito's cheeks turned a brighter red and she giggled nervously.

_ Let the trolling commence._

"Kaa-chan, might I request to show Mito-hime around?" I asked politely.

"Granted," Azumi said, smiling thinly.

I bowed lowly again to Mito, taking her hand and slowly guiding her out of the room. "I've heard a lot about you, Mito-hime."

"Really?" Mito asked curiously. "To be honest, Hashirama-kun, I haven't heard much about you."

"Well," I said slowly, "I guess I should remedy that. You tell me one thing about yourself, and I'll tell you one thing about _myself_."

Mito smiled. "... Alright. Um… I hate tomatoes."

"I sleep with a teddy bear," I declared.

Mito blinked in surprise. "... Okay. I… I like reading."

"I'm still in my tighty-whities. I just don't like boxers."

Mito blushed brightly and she stammered, "P-Please keep this appropriate, Hashirama-kun."

"That's boring," I dismissed. "I'm terrified of ghosts and if there is even a hint of one in the house, I will abandon you in a heartbeat and flee into the night."

Mito's eyes widened. "That's… er… I like dogs more than cats."

"So do I!" I exclaimed.

Mito smiled easily. "I have a dog - Rue - and she's my best friend."

"I have _two _best friends," I said. "There's Madara and Sasori - I'm currently Sasori's slave."

"That's… nice?"

I nodded my head earnestly. "What else can I say…? Oh! I'm secretly attracted to Mad - "

Hashirama slammed into me full force, knocking me off the walkway and into the thorny bushes below. I poofed back into my original form from the impact, giggling like crazy. Hashirama sat on top of me, pinning my arms on either side and glaring at me. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Really?" I asked incredulously. "You _can't_?"

Hashirama flushed. "Sh-Shut up. Mito-hime, _I'm _the real Hashirama. This is my friend, Sasori. He's an asshole. Please ignore whatever he said."

"No, don't ignore what I said," I piqued up. "I spoke the truth! Hashi-washi still sleeps with a teddy-bear and - "

Hashirama shrieked and punched me square in the nose. I immediately stopped what I was doing, kneed Hashirama in the gut, rolled away and clutched my nose. "_Why is this time period so goddamn violent?!_"

While I started healing my nose, Hashirama had turned to Mito, blushing brightly. Mito was staring at us with an odd look.

"I mean, _damn_," I continued, "even Duck-Ass wasn't nearly as abusive as Hashi-washi and Maddie-laddie. I've officially lost count on how many times I've had to heal broken bones - especially my nose!"

"You mean to tell me that you impersonated your best friend and told his fiancee all his embarrassing secrets?" Mito asked me slowly.

I continued to mutter under my breath, before I stopped and peered at Mito. "Well… yeah. Of course."

"Why?"

"Why _not_?"

"But - but - that's a violation of his trust," Mito stammered.

I shrugged. "He shouldn't have run. Consequences of being a wuss."

Hashirama slugged me in the arm and I winched, clutching at it. "Stop breaking my bones, you jerk!"

"Just building up your pain tolerance," Hashirama retorted, slugging me again.

"_Ouch!_ Damn it!"

Mito continued to give us an odd look. "Aren't you more upset, Hashirama-kun?"

Hashirama shrugged. "Not really. I've done the same thing."

"You impersonated your friend and told his fiancee his embarrassing secrets?" Mito deadpanned.

"Not _exactly. _I told Madara some things that Sasori would have preferred to stay between us, though, and Madara's lorded those things over Sasori like crazy," Hashirama said, rolling his eyes. "Then again, I only did that 'cause he told Madara about the ghost-thing, but he only did that because I told Tobirama about…" Hashirama trailed off thoughtfully. "You know, I can't quite remember what started this cycle."

"It was Tobirama," I said immediately. "Everything is his fault."

Hashirama swatted at me. "Shut up."

"Shame I couldn't continue to troll, though," I sighed, "ah, well. Hello, Mito-hime. You may call me Sasori."

Mito gave us another odd look before she stepped off the path and approached us. She eyed each of us another moment before she slammed her fists on top of both our heads. "_Idiots!_"

"Ow!" Hashirama and I whined. Mito glared darkly at us.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves - behaving in such a manner! Honestly, it's so childish. I hope you two are happy. You petulant brats - "

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

"Welp, whaddya think of her?" I asked Hashirama, the two of us walking away from Mito after she gave us one of the longest lectures of our lives. Hashirama was still rubbing his head - Mito had continued to use physical enforcement to make sure we were paying attention.

"Feisty," Hashirama sighed.

"In a good way?" I asked.

Hashirama shrugged. "Dunno."

"Still nervous about the whole marriage thing?'

Hashirama gave a slow smile. "... Not so much. You told her those things so I could get over my embarrassment of meeting her in the first place, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Hashirama nudged me with his shoulder. "She didn't care about any of that stuff. She even said that she was afraid of ghosts, too!"

"I remember her saying that in the lecture, yes."

He beamed at me. "I dunno what to make of her, but she can't be all bad if she doesn't mind that stuff about me."

"Everyone has their secrets and embarrassments," I said, glancing down. "She acknowledges that and so long as she accepts that stuff about you, you're more likely to accept her secrets, too."

"Yep," Hashirama said, looking up at the sky. "Just look at the three of us - Madara, you and me. We know all each other's secrets and we're still friends!"

"Mm-hmm. Do you still need me around?"

Hashirama shook his head, patting my shoulder. "I think I can manage now. Thanks for being here, Sasori."

"It was a pleasure. I'll leave tonight, then, to go on my journey."

"Be safe."

"Ah… I can't promise that. The person I'm meeting has a rather… interesting temper."

* * *

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

* * *

It took, roughly, five days to finally find him.

I hopped up to the tallest tree, leaving my pack, mask, and cloak at the base of the tree. My precious person was sleeping in in the large clearing, sprawled out and snoring softly.

"Oi," I shouted, "wake up! Wake up, dear."

Large eyes blinked blearily as he slowly opened them. He gave a large yawn, sitting up and then his gaze settled on me. He grinned a Cheshire's grin at me.

"Nice to meet you," I said, smiling warmly. "Although, we'll meet again in the distant future, maybe. I suppose introductions are in order, though. You may call me Sakura."

I bowed lowly. "It's nice to meet you… Kurama."

"**Hooo?**"

* * *

_Interesting how no one suggested Kurama. Lots of Kakuzu suggestions, though. _

_ Just a quick chapter - I was having some trouble finishing, so I apologize for the shortness. Hopefully the next chapter will flow more smoothly to me._

_ I meant to post this earlier today, but I got caught up with _Unbreakable Machine Doll_, surprisingly, and lost track of time. _

_ Special __**preview **__into the next chapter. I'll be switching POV and addressing how Naruto and the others are… doing. ;) Expect a nice long chapter to compensate for this short thing. _

_**Answer: **__Daddy._

_**Question: **__Favorite movie line?_

_ Reviews are __**love**__!_


End file.
